I have had a many issues on my mind recently. 3 of which I will discuss. All of the other ones are for me and me only. Thank you...I hope you find something out of all of my rambling. Forgive me for grammar mistakes. I will not read over this seeing as how no one else may read it and I am sleepy.
Pride can kill......
Being prideful. Why do we have to do it? I have been thinking to myself and thinking about the person I am. Why must I be so arrogant? I always figured myself as a pretty humble person, but I have allowed myself to fall into this trap many times before. I think what caused me to think about this recently is how the relationship between my best friend and I work. I am fairly certain that I can safely say it was a "God thing" of how our friendship began, but that phrase tends to be overused for any "good" thing that happens to people.
Anyways...our friendship is built upon a respect and trust that each other will never look down upon one another and will always show love. I know many times he has allowed himself to be vulnerable and opened up with me. I honestly do not know if I have returned the favor to him. That hurts me because as his best friend...and this is not just any "best friend"...but I owe him and cannot for some ridiculous reason open up and allow him to see me in a weakened state. I have obsessed over myself of trying to be strong all of the time and have always thought to myself "I am glad I am strong and firm and can be there for my friends..." Where I think that is good to believe that...I find it scary also...because we can tend to assign ourselves into this role of..."I can never be weak to this people...I will stand firm and not show sadness." Fortunately our relationship is almost 100% non-verbal. He saw right through me. I was too proud to show him my real emotions on the inside. But he could see what was really going on. He is a true friend and I feel a love from him that only comes from the Holy Spirit. No one knows him like I do...and vice versa. He is the "best" best friend if you will.
I read somewhere recently that admitting you do not know the answer or what to do is a good place to be in. I hope it is true.
God vs. Jesus
Another thing that has been brought to my attention before and recently surfaced again is thinking of God vs. Jesus. Let me say this first...I know with modern day Christianity...everything and everyone wants to figure out God and Jesus...and everything he offers. A lot of the time it is structured and framed within guidelines or bullet formats...you know what I mean. What is the purpose "structuring" Christianity? I would rather say...what is the purpose of "structuring" Christ/God/Holy Spirit/the word....etc. I guess I can fathom the idea of breaking it down in order to make it easier to understand....? Maybe. It hurts me that sometimes the point of Christianity is missed because we are too busy trying to "figure it all out". Why do we think for a second we have that ability? I believe God is mysterious for a reason and what will we solve if we have all of our questions answered? We will find new questions and continue the cycle...
Ok that was completely off of this topic, but what I meant by God vs. Jesus....Why do we 'separate' the two? We tend to focus on God as Old testament and Jesus New testament. I mean we apparently believe that he is "God in three persons". Jesus was the Son, and was man, but he was GOD! I agree that is hard to wrap our minds around.
Hebrews 1:3 says "The Son is the radiance of God's glory and the exact representation of his being, sustaining all things by his powerful word. After he had provided purification for sins, he sat down at the right hand of the Majesty in heaven." This is the NIV translation, but it says "radiance of God's glory & the exact representation of his being". So why is God separated from Jesus. Why does God tend to be looked upon as "I will be struck down if I do this wrong" and Jesus as "I am so glad Jesus forgives me". An example of this would be how I usually pray.
Rough example..."Dear "God" thank you for this day. I thank you for keeping my friends, family and myself safe. I pray that you will be with me.....blah blah blah....I pray for these *insert requests*" Here comes the transition....."Jesus...please forgive me of my sins I have committed against you and others. Please help me to be strong and thank you for dying for my sins. Amen"
Now before I get into the details of this prayer.... I have to say...I do not think there is a right or better way to pray. I do not think that is important. I think what is important is why are we praying? Are we praying to feel better about our day and be like "Man, I am glad I got some God time in today, I amost missed it!" I think our content and where our heart is, is what's important. He can see that and we are all guilty of it. I dislike praying infront of people so much that I will analyze my prayers after in my head and figure out if they will match up to everyones standards. I am a loser. Ok...I feel that God has his section and Jesus has his section. I am worried to talk about my sins with God because of what he will do to me. But i know Jesus is love so I can talk to him about them....Wait what????!!! I thought they were the same person and there was no dichotomy? Well you are right...there should be no separation...I wish we didnt because God is sitting there with open arms....just as Jesus is. Let us embrace both of them. Let us embrace the Holy Spirit who is another "person" that we cannot fathom and try to structure so we can figure it all out again.
Stop framing in our God. Let Him do what He does best....and lets stop doing what we do best. Controlling everything...We only fail in the end and it hurts when you fall on your ass. I do it all the time.
Last thing on my mind. Hurt...Pain...it is good my friend.
No one likes to be sad or hurt. It sucks. I admit that it is terrible. But I think we forget why we hurt. I feel like there is a purpose of hurting and sufferring. I cannot steal the words of the man who sparked this in my mind because that would be wrong. Rob Bell, is who presented this information to me. When we are broken...and when we cry...we forget that God/Jesus is there to take care of us and to never leave us or abandon us. I agree completely with Rob when he says that a lot of people feel, when we are broken and sad that we are too weak or that because of our problems we are not worthy or accepted. Why do we think that? We get this idea that God/Jesus is only there for those who have it all figured out or have everything together. I got news for you. Those people do not exist. Yeah they may exist for a very short period of time. But everyone has their own problems and struggles. It is life. But I absolutely love the way that Rob puts the statement of when we are so scared and broken....God feels closer to us than ever before. I believe that can easily be true. Of the times where I have been in a hole and never imagined I would get up, guess who came and rescued me? I thought I was going to be upset forever. Jesus & God saves. "Come all ye weary..." I am weary. I am broken. Especially at this point in my life. I am 21 years old. I am just beginning my life. I am trying to figure out the kind of person I am suppose to be. I am maturing as a friend, man, son, brother, uncle, a person who follows Christ, and everything else that will come. I want to embrace my "darkness" if you will. It is almost wrong to say....but I enjoy the feeling of not knowing the answers. Maybe that is just me.
I encourage you to watch this video. It is amazing.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pRfoVc3zCa4
Sorry for the length. I hope it made sense. I hope something can be taken from it.
Hebrews 12:1-3
1Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. 2Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 3Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.
Sleep well.
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