an american dream gone wrong.

Don't exactly know where this will go like always but....here we go.

Two rivers park, late at night, pitch black, stars were beautiful, lightning bugs were even more amazing.
Complete with two great friends and amazing conversations. 23, 22 and 22 years of age. Admitting that growing up sucks. Admitting that we have no really big clue as to what is going on. Well maybe that one is just me, but I am speaking for them as well.

We mostly talk of relationships and how we are just dumbfounded by them. That may be only me still, but again I am speaking for them too. Anyways, I just really appreciate that I have friends like this. We did not plan on discussing these things. We did not plan on feeling better after 'talking'. We just wanted to get out of the house and do something, so we decided to walk around and ended up talking on a bench near the arkansas river for an hour or so.

It was something that just hit me really the next day or so. I don't know what I would do without my friends. They build me up and I hope to do the same for them.

So there we are talking about girls and just how we were curious to what the next years were to bring. Where would our group be? Would we be even more dispersed? How often would we see each other? It is scary to think about, but sooner or later it will happen. We will all grow up in some shape or form and will be invested in other things, such as work.....or....family. I still want to try. I have to try. I never want to lose the bond I have with them. I do not care the slightest bit how 'gay' that sounds. I love them to death and love them more than any girl. I will choose my dudes before the chicks, they don't dominate your life....that is another topic.

But back to the bench....Brad brought up a good point about religion. I had to think on it for a little bit and I never really even responded, but I was trying to be careful of what I said.

"Religion does not make things better or anything go away or make life better"
I think that is around what was said.

I have to agree. Religion is such a scary word these days. So is Christianity. 9 times out of 10 I am worried to admit what I believe because I will be shuffled into a group of judgmental people that I do not want to be like.

So I agree because religion does not cure anything. I think I can honestly say that love and faith in God/Jesus does cure, but I can also say that it is one of the hardest things to do all of the time, for me at least. You are lucky if you are able to do that all of the time...or you are probably lying to yourself and everyone else. I just kept coming back to the phrase Brad said. I mean it really doesn't cure or fix anything. There are no magic fixes in life or get out of jail free cards. There are struggles and hardships. But there is Jesus. I know if you don't believe in Jesus then what I am saying is pointless, but think of it this way. I am not saying that religion is pointless, no...no...no.

It takes patience. It takes time. It takes learning. Praying. Growing. And a lot of love. I like believing and having faith in something (even if it is very hard right now for me). I want to believe that things happen for a reason and that there is someone greater out there that loves me for all of my imperfections. That gives me comfort and makes me strive to be a better person. I know that may be a "sorry" answer for some people. I am sure as I grow up it will mature into a better one, but for now I am trying to be a better human being. I have definitely stopped waiting for the "quick fix" because I have been waiting for several months and I got nothing. I have not given any effort for a fix though and that is the truth.

I wish people did not think that God blesses those who only do good deeds or pray all of the time. He blesses everyone and does not show favoritism. Its in the bible. Read it. Romans I believe. I came to my own conclusion about this scenario that maybe when we do pray and ask for the guidance or blessings, He makes it more apparent to us and we can see things more clearly within the situation. If we just sit around waiting for a magical explanation or answer then what is the point of having faith and believing that he will always provide? I don't know it may be a silly conclusion. But hey to each his own.

That was a little extra tid bit of information. Ok where were we? I honestly don't know and I do not feel like reading the previous text, so I think I was around here...

I have to pull some lyrics from a song in order to make this title make sense.
"this is no longer the american dream, we’ve cut the tongue from society, forcing consumption, never hearing “no.” we’ve brainwashed our children to believe this is destiny."

When I hear this I think to myself that I wish I could go back to 15 years of age when things were easy and I did not think about all of this.

I recently saw my niece become baptized. My brother baptized her and I almost cried seeing it happen because 1. It made me super happy to see. 2. I know she was doing it for the right reasons. 3. I am sensitive.


But I had to think about how when I was young...I had no idea....no idea how things could change in an instant. How everything you were used could do a 180. What sucks is that you have to almost always experience this for yourself to understand it, but I wonder if we prepare our children for the real world like we should. When I was 15 I would have disagreed with "religion does not cure anything". I would have been upset with whoever said that. That may be a learning through experience thing that we all have to go through. I don't know. I do know I am rambling so I will cut it off.


If there is a point in all of this. It is that religion cannot create happiness. 1 million dollars can buy you some things but not true happiness. Jesus can provide happiness, but don't expect it to be a quick fix. Why can't it though? Man....I have been asking that myself for a while now. Also, try to think back when you were younger and how 'safe' or how 'naive' you were. Maybe you still are. How do you feel now? Grown up? Good luck to you. I wish you all the very best.


I love you Brad and Joe.


"My Blood is tainted with bitterness.
I want it out, I want it out of me.
Oh, the taste of my inheritance.
How I have fallen, the hills will cover me.
You too will become weak."

-Christopher Adam