Ok. This will be short. I woke up earlier today...not at 12:04pm...I promise. I just felt good. I decided...."you know what...I am tired of this "dark" mindset that I have been having. I think I have been almost forcing myself in it, for reasons I do not know...at all.
So here is my plan...because I stated earlier this month...I needed some sort of plan of action. I don't think it has to be some "amazing five step plan"...I just think/know now I need something. I need a better routine in life.
I know I am still only 22 years old and I still plan on having plenty of fun....but....I mean it is time to start growing up...I hate to say it. I want to make an excuse for the dumb things I do and say "oh i am just young and immature". I mean I could say that now but I would be going against how I feel inside. I will also admit, I will probably do a few stupid things before I die...I am just taking a guess, but I think you get the picture mostly.
I have not had alcohol in over 2 weeks. Not that I drink a ton or anything, but I did go through a period were I was drinking more than I felt I should. I am not trying to excuse myself, but I mean...I still didn't drink like most college kids. I am no better, just had to throw that out there in case my mom reads this.
So back to my plan and my darkness...
I have been constantly searching and questioning things. Not really in a bad way...just a "I am curious about this, why did this happen". I think were I have been going wrong was that I have not actually been 'searching' I have been telling myself that. I have not actually sat down and prayed or written about it. I suck right? Yes.
I want to stop thinking 'dark' thoughts.
My plan? It's the annoying/simple/cliche answer. I need to pray.
For the longest time and even now I have a really hard time with prayer. I just want to see the benefits immediately. I don't have patience. So I will learn to have it. I will learn and grow up. I have to do this. I want to know what life and love really is about. I don't think I have ever experienced it fully for or for an extended period of time. I want to love someone else like Jesus loves me. That will be a big challenge but I know that I have never really loved and appreciated like I can or should. I also know I can do it.
See? I already feel better by writing this down and by knowing what I will do. I hope I can stick to it. I want to grow and learn what life is all about.
I started reading the book "The Shack". I have only read a few pages...but I have a feeling this will be a part of my routine. Good luck to you all. I hope you are finding what you are all looking for.
Don't be satisfied with what you are in, unless you are constantly being challenged and learning something. Complacency is the devil. I have been hanging with the devil for quite sometime.
-Christopher Adam Wilkerson-
"It's hard to be the better man
When you forget you're trying
It's hard to be the better man
When you're still lying"
yes.
No comments:
Post a Comment