Relationships everywhere...what to do...don't ask me.

Ok...I cannot believe I am going to even attempt to write about what was just on my mind, but I will try. Oh and this post will most likely be very long. I apologize. Fortunately for you, you may exit anytime!

First I have to immediately side track...

My previous post may have been fuzzy, but I will try to clear it up by explaining how I got there in several discussions or posts. I also thought that these lyrics went right along with what I was talking about when it comes to question things and be cautious of everything you hear.

"Cause we are all born in to a controlled mindset.
God, money makes a death threat on ethics.
Governed by greed and a stale routine.
Can we just justify the means if we're...

Plugged in, tuned out?
We all need to wake up 'cause we've been
Detached for too long.
We need to deprogram from
Shifting with the public eye.
We have a right to question why.
See through the lies,
Re-sensitize, and look closer."

I will divulge into that topic more at a later time!

Ok. So relationships...hmmm...I was just sitting in my garage playing guitar and smoking a cigar (which is very unlike me, for those of you who know me well, but I felt like being a grown up I guess). Anyways, something just kept coming to mind and it was relationships. I have been trying for about a year to dissect my brain and thoughts on life, God, love, purpose...you know all that stuff. I think relationships falls under all of those categories and can definitely alter them drastically, positive or negative.

Since I want to share my experience, I will do my best to start with my relationship. This will be the first time I have written about it so specifically, but I think it will be beneficial, so here we go...

My previous relationship lasted for quite sometime. It was on and off for close to four years (on for the majority). It started when we were both just 17 years old, which scares me because here pretty soon I will be 23 (don't want to grow up fully). When the relationship started in high school, I think we both felt that it was fun and great to be hanging out with each other a lot. High school ended and we ending up going to the same college. The relationship progressed through the years, a break up here and there, but we found each other again and again. We were constantly getting closer and closer, discussing the future possibilities of life and the relationship. I became quite scared because of the word "marriage" and began to withdraw myself (I will get to that later).

Eventually, things became redundant. Now the blame can be taken or dished 3 ways I found.

1. I could take all of the blame for the problems, faults, fights, redundancy...blah blah
2. She could take all of the blame for the above things...
3. I could admit that we were both just two kids/young adults learning how to grow up and better ourselves as people. We both have our faults, no one should be given the total blame, and we should learn from the experience as much as possible.

Now...I went through number 1 for a couple of months. Did the whole "please someone take pity on me bit". Yeah I can't eat or sleep...I am really sad...all that stuff. (Please don't pity me now, I acted like I didn't want it then when I really did, but now I am fine). So number one started to get old because of its terrible side affects.

I then of course proceeded to number 2. Now that made me feel good for about a week, but I continually stayed in that mindset for a couple of months. I let anger take control...and that was not good. I spent most of my spring/summer angry because of my sadness. I did not want to be sad anymore so I turned to the next emotion I could. I was irrational and negative about everything. I began to fuel an attitude towards the person that was very unlike my character. Luckily after a while I realized how immature this place was and I finally decided to move on.

Number 3. Ah.....it is such a better place to be. I am a confused kid who is looking for answers wherever I think the answers are and she most likely is too. I accept that I had much to do with the faults in the relationship, but I agree that she had faults as well. We are not perfect! I know that at times we tend to take the whole blame to make ourselves feel better (at least we think it will make us feel better), but we should focus on the road that lies ahead. (Learned that from a friend, thanks Mama D if you are reading). The future. Grow up and learn from those mistakes.

So that is where I am now. Now let me tell you just a couple of things I have learned about relationships...the good, bad, and down right dirty...(I am no expert...trust me).

I feel what killed me was the complacency of the relationship. I searched for a definition just to see what came up and I like this one the best, complacent - "Uncritically satisfied with oneself or one's achievements; smug; Apathetic with regard to an apparent need or problem". This right here...kills relationships everyday. It slowly creeps up and sets in. After a while its like "what is the point". I became content where I was because I just did not want to try anymore. It became to much effort. I was satisfied with where I was. (Guys...girls dun like that) That mindset was just the beginning of my downward spiral.

So a solution to this? Honestly, I have no magic answers. I think it takes a very special bond between to people to never fall in to the mundane routines of relationships or marriage. (I don't mean that routines are bad, I just mean that effort must be given in order to keep it spicy if you will). I am not married so I could be speaking completely out of line. But in my experience, I know that effort was at an all time low.

Communication - Yeah...for guys that apparently is a problem. All I know is that women speak a different language. They say one thing and mean something completely different. They ask you if you will do something, giving you an option, but really there is only one option. I think this just takes time to learn from.

Sacrifices - Wow...this one can literally make or break you as the "best boyfriend/husband ever" or the "worst boyfriend/husband ever". Dude, the bachelor/ette might possibly be one of the dumbest shows ever made, but you know what, if she loves it...you need to support her. I have learned that communication and sacrifices go hand in hand. If you can pick up on hints and surprise her by showing interest in her life and its entirety you are not only scoring amazing points, but you are doing something good. I don't mean lie to her. Of course she knows that you don't care who got the rose or who didn't, but show that you are willing to be there for her even in the hardest of times (yes, watching one of those shows is one of the hardest times for me). The chances are that she will gladly recognize your dedication and continually put up with you (because lets be honest, she is probably way out of your league).

Ok...I rambled a lot...but notice how I did not mention anything about God. I do not care what you believe in, but relationships across the realm have the same principles for the most part.

So how did I start my "dark path", as I like to call it...well I not only became complacent in my relationship with a girl, but I did with God too. I attempted to reach out, but I failed miserably (as we all do). I made it worse by turning my anger towards him and acting like he owed me something. When in reality, he owes us nothing. I mean he is a graceful God and loves us never ending, but what does he owe us? Nothing. But he gives it to us anyways. That is a relationship right there. A good one. He was there the entire time holding out his hand just ready for me to take it, but I once again, did not want to put forth the tiniest effort. I wanted everything done for me. So was the same in my relationship. I wanted things to change, but I didn't want to do it.

So where am I now? Well I can tell you that my relationship with God is much of the opposite of where it has ever been. I feel like I am just now starting to put forth the effort. The funny thing is, I have already seen and experienced more amazing, beautiful things (life, friends, love) since I have started to try. I also am able to see so many of the amazing things in the past that were right in front of my face that I missed out on. Fortunately, I now have the option to learn from this whole experience. Life is full of relationships. Please...do not take them for granted, friendships, intimate relationships, and God/Jesus/Holy Spirit (if applicable).

It has almost been a year since my previous relationship and for a while...I never thought I would be here. It is hard for me to believe that I have come so far. I honestly feel like a different person in certain aspects of my life. I am finally happy. I like it. I hope to stay this way and to continually strive in all of my relationships. I want to never be just "satisfied". It is too easy to get settled and live in the routine. And yes I am aware that it is easier said that done....


Sorry to drag everything out. Marriage post tomorrow!

- A dubs.

I saw this posted by a friend a while back and it has stuck with me since then. It was along these lines.

Would you rather be boasting in your weaknesses or rejoicing in your painful trials? 

Think about it!