I think everyone should at least just listen to this song. To me it means a lot. It also says a lot about how I feel right now. I am searching. Attempting to fight. I am tired.
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"Jesus / Jesus Christ"
Jesus Christ, that's a pretty face
The kind you'd find on someone that could save
If they don't put me away
Well, it'll be a miracle
Do you believe you're missing out
That everything good is happening somewhere else?
But with nobody in your bed
The night's hard to get through
And I will die all alone
And when I arrive I won't know anyone
Well, Jesus Christ, I'm alone again
So what did you do those three days you were dead?
'cause this problem's gonna last more than the weekend.
Well, Jesus Christ, I'm not scared to die,
I'm a little bit scared of what comes after
Do I get the gold chariot?
Do I float through the ceiling?
Do I divide and fall apart?
'cause my bright is too slight to hold back all my dark
And the ship went down in sight of land
And at the gates does Thomas ask to see my hands
I know you're coming in the night like a thief
But I've had some time, O Lord, to hone my lying technique
I know you think that I'm someone you can trust
But I'm scared I'll get scared and I swear I'll try to nail you back up
So do you think that we could work out a sign
So I'll know it's you and that it's over so I won't even try
I know you're coming for the people like me
But we all got wood and nails
And we turn out hate in factories
We all got wood and nails
And we turn out hate in factories
We all got wood and nails
And we sleep inside of this machine
Hey Adam,
ReplyDeleteI am Melody Wilson, I spoke to you briefly one night while visiting with your mom on the phone. I told you I enjoyed your blog; it was good to make your acquaintance that night.
I understand you hate simple answers, pat answers. I get it, so do I. The one thing that has, in your writings, stuck out to me is the use of the word "happy". Personally, I think the word is over used in our society, kinda like the word "need". I, for some strange reason, never looked at life, my life, from the view point of "needing" to be "happy". Maybe I'm just weird, actually I'm sure I am considered by some to be just that. Nevertheless, I have sought to understand, to recieve "joy". "Joy" sounds solid, it comes from truth which is stored in my heart, from inside me. Joy is not based on my actions or those around me. It's not reliant on circumstances, who likes me or if I'm feeling good that day. Joy, for me, is an attitude of thankfulness, regardless of my feelings. This may sound too simple, it very well might not help. But for me joy is critical for my emotional and mental health. Joy means it's not about me at all, it's not based on my achievements, my lack of, I am just continually thankful. It is a discipline I have determined to have. It goes to attitude, it comes from attitude. I clearly understand how incrediably deceptive I am if not careful to base my feelings/reactions on Gods word. It is work, it is discipline, anything worth anything always is.
I think you are WAY to hard on yourself. I love your honesty, your searching, those are indeed your strength. The Christian community as a whole would be much more effective and attractive to the world if it were more transparent and honest. You, my dear Adam, are both of those things. I wish for you joy, a peace that passes understanding while on your journey to understand. You are a blessing.