I can picture the scenario above and hundreds of other scenarios in my head that play out over and over in a standard marriage. And yes this is part 2 of my previous post....I realized after I read it last night that it did not really have a closing chapter. I mean I am going to wind up saying the same thing I always say because I just had an enormous experience with it (that's what she said)....and I really learned something from it.
Also....you ever run into those people who act like they know everything about one area of life because they went through it and had a really hard time? Then after they come through it and learn a lot they try to preach it out to everyone? (Oh hello! That is me!) But the good thing is...this is my blog...and if you read this...."you will listen to every damn word I have to say". (Adam Sandler, The Wedding Singer, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3s5xsVHOJQs if you care to watch - at 23 seconds). You will find that I will be putting a joke or two every now and then in these posts...because I am in a good mood now. So I thought I should spread it!
Ok I am going to try and cover 2 things quickly and make them clear. I doubt it will happen. Also as stated everything I always post are just my opinions and views...if you disagree with them...that is fine. I may be crazy, but you can leave this site and never return. Just kidding. But seriously please do not ever visit this site again.
Let's hit this touchy subject first....an American Marriage....now this is going to be very stereotypical....but just try to see what I am saying.
Guy and girl date...couple of years...maybe not even couple of years.Guy proposes...girl of course says yes. They plan wedding...get married....get a house...both work....attend church (most likely a big one)....meet friends at work and church. They live their life. Now that doesn't sound like a bad idea right? I mean hey I am alone....I would like to lay down next to someone at night. Well I have figured out that there is a differencing between experiencing life....rather than living it.
Now I have seen this movie several times but last night I watched it again with my dad (Papa Jeff...bad-ass). The movie Yes Man. Jim Carrey says no over and over....he is really not even experiencing life...but towards the end he understands what it means to actually live life!
Now back to the stereotypical marriage...are they really living life? Or are they just two people following the formula that either their parents followed or that our culture has created for you? Now let's talk about how the church has influenced this relationship....a bond that no one really understand unless they understand what a relationship with God is like....and I am pretty sure that you cannot fully understand that either....so why the hell are we always trying to find a perfect definition on something that should be between God and us (man and wife)?
I have heard many church leaders say this, that, and the other about marriage....have God at the center, be sure to commune with your fellow married friends....be sure to do this....go do that...and don't forget to do this...
That formula will = an absolute destruction...for me at least...What does it even mean to have God at the center? I have said that before and I had no idea what it really meant. How can God be at the center when he is/has/will always already be there? He doesn't go away from time to time. That is what is such a blessing. You cannot get rid of him (that is hard to accept). God is at the center of everyone. Whether they choose at acknowledge him or not...that is their choice. So why don't you acknowledge your God...ask him how to better yourself for your spouse....all of that jazzy stuff....
It is not bad to commune with your friends...but please do not let someone give you a To-Do list and you begin to check it off. Now obviously you are not going make a tangible list...but you will in your head...and the minute that you miss out on something...guilt will set it. Do not set yourself up for failure!!! Dude, go hang out with your friends...share experiences...stories...laugh....maybe drink a little wine (appletini for me)...just relax and enjoy their company....Jesus is there. God is there. He is their rejoicing with you. He has always been there and he knows your stories...but he would love to hear them over and over because he loves us.
I think that the standard American marriage does not live like this often....I think they become absorbed into the 'procedure' or begin to do what a high spiritual leader tells them they should be doing....
After they obviously fail by searching for God (happiness) in routines and forced conversations.....the sadness sets in...that turns to anger...anger turns to hate.....and hate turns to suffering.....(Yoda, The Phantom Menace). But seriously....the man or woman begin to throw their anger at each other or God because they have been floating through life and following these rules or guidelines and cannot match up to them. (To those couples that are still together by following all of that stuff....wow...mad props...and if they are actually happy....then they are lying to themselves...or maybe they are demons)
I said it in my previous post. We do not know exactly what a marriage looks like....we can read and read from what God try to tell us....but Christians tend to translate things a little on the crazy sides sometimes. Why not just think....use your brain and heart. God will help you make the decisions.
My other topic which ties into this as well is Love and Safety. (sorry this is long)
Love Vs. Safety.....this is what I really wanted to say in my first post but I just didn't.
I have found a fine line between actual love....and then a sense of feeling safe.....I lived in the first one for a while.....then I lived in the second one. It is basically the same as "experiencing life vs actually living life".
Love your spouse...love them because you actually love them....not because it has been 3 years and they really helped you out during that rough patch of life. Love them because you see what his/her heart really looks like. Love them because you want to not because you have to...Time should not be an issue....that will end up in a terrible spiral that could end in murder. Do not seek comfort in safety....(here is my repetitive message)....do not settle on someone because it is your high school sweet heart and they know everything about you and its just too much work to invest in someone else....that my friend...is experiencing life...and settling in life...in safety.
It is just not fun to me. If it works for some...hey good luck. Don't end up only finding happiness in your kids...I did not want to say it...but I had too.
My friend Brad posted an interesting/terrible comment on the first part of this topic...and he is right...well about the first part...we are given time to find out who we are as people...we should take it! We should grow up and learn how we can be that "perfect" husband or wife! Do not rush your life! Just relax and realize that something is cooking up....if you rush your life...you might just miss it!
Well that is pretty much it...I will post again soon about some touchy stuff!
-Christopher A-to the dam
Oh, please do not get married just so you can have sex...you Christians will do it without realizing it...trust me I was almost there. That is the most absurd thing ever....crazy kids these days...
Saturday, September 18, 2010
I now pronounce you husband and wife....(umm....crap...)
I know I said I would post this 'tomorrow' like two weeks ago....but I just kept going back and forth on what to say and decided against what I was originally going to post. Also I got a little busy.
So I promised I would describe my journey. And I sincerely hope I do not offend anyone with this post. I will most likely make some snide remarks about marriage and all that jazz. (not that i don't support it...just read it to understand my nonsense) And these are just my opinions and views on marriage. They could be absolute crap for all I know.
Well....
So there we were...getting close to the "do we get married.....or what" talk. I of course outwardly expressed yes and feelings of happiness. But honestly on the inside I just could not fathom the idea of being married yet. I was 20 years old and was trying to figure out if I wanted to be with this person forever. That is a big question! I mean to me it is. It scares me when people (guys and girls) are so quick to make that decision in their head. Did they even really think about it??? I don't think it is wrong for me to say that I thought about it a lot. It wasn't that I was unsatisfied with this person. I just constantly had something in the back of my mind that said "no...you are not ready".
It was a constant battle back and forth. I always had a feeling that I was not ready. Now I have a better understanding of why...and what marriage is about (well...kind of).
I was so young....I am still so young. I have so many things that I am still learning (yeah you can still learn them being married). But I want to have an idea of who I really want to be with. I want to know more about myself. I want all of those other cliche things about a woman too...(like from the notebook...all that kinda stuff...) Just kidding, but seriously.
Here is a big reason or the reason that I realized it could not have worked out. And this does not apply to everyone...I know some great couples that I think are truly in love and are genuinely happy (they still fight, which i think is a good sign). I had put so much time and effort into the relationship...that I was just going to see it through. We dated in high school and throughout college. It was time to take the next step (according to all of these young couples who take the plunge). I think I would have been somewhat happy if it would have gone that way...but this person and I were not on the same wavelengths. I thought that was how it went....you are together for so long...now its time to get married. If that works for you, then hey, don't listen to me...I am not even married...so honestly I have no idea what the hell I am talking about.
I just didn't/don't want to wake up 25 years down the line and realize that I am not happy. I don't want to have that thought in my head of...."why did I even get married to this person?". I guess there is no way of really knowing that...huh? I mean you could marry the perfect person and still be unhappy with them.
"Want to see a woman stop shaving her legs, and guy get a beer belly.....get em married" (Friends, Season 8).
Now do not get me wrong. I cared for this person very deeply. I would have done anything for her....(all the cliche things that a guy would do for a girl). But I had that voice that kept bugging me. I am thankful that she ended the relationship, because I started to side with the mindset of "well...I guess I am in it for the long haul". And brother, that is not cool....
In my original post I was going to say what I thought a marriage should look like...but I honestly don't know. I think everyone is different....I also know that I absolutely hate it when a marriage tries to conform into what a church tells them to do. I think they are just setting themselves up to fail and will be disappointed in the end...God knows what a marriage should be like. Why don't you just ask him...? I guess I will start so I can hopefully have some sort of an idea.
I bet it has a lot to do with growing up!
I apologize that this really made no sense. I mean like no sense...I am trying to help myself get through everything by writing it all down. If you got something....I am glad.
I do know that when I propose to a girl....there will be no greater proposal. I have a couple random cool ones in my mind, but it really depends on the person and what she likes. I just want to walk away from it knowing that I could not have done a better job. I also would like for her to tell the story to others and if there are any guys around they think to themselves..."well....damn....what am I supposed to do now...? this guy dominated my idea..."
-Adam
There is a difference between safety and happiness. The former...easier...but the latter...much more fulfilling.
So I promised I would describe my journey. And I sincerely hope I do not offend anyone with this post. I will most likely make some snide remarks about marriage and all that jazz. (not that i don't support it...just read it to understand my nonsense) And these are just my opinions and views on marriage. They could be absolute crap for all I know.
Well....
So there we were...getting close to the "do we get married.....or what" talk. I of course outwardly expressed yes and feelings of happiness. But honestly on the inside I just could not fathom the idea of being married yet. I was 20 years old and was trying to figure out if I wanted to be with this person forever. That is a big question! I mean to me it is. It scares me when people (guys and girls) are so quick to make that decision in their head. Did they even really think about it??? I don't think it is wrong for me to say that I thought about it a lot. It wasn't that I was unsatisfied with this person. I just constantly had something in the back of my mind that said "no...you are not ready".
It was a constant battle back and forth. I always had a feeling that I was not ready. Now I have a better understanding of why...and what marriage is about (well...kind of).
I was so young....I am still so young. I have so many things that I am still learning (yeah you can still learn them being married). But I want to have an idea of who I really want to be with. I want to know more about myself. I want all of those other cliche things about a woman too...(like from the notebook...all that kinda stuff...) Just kidding, but seriously.
Here is a big reason or the reason that I realized it could not have worked out. And this does not apply to everyone...I know some great couples that I think are truly in love and are genuinely happy (they still fight, which i think is a good sign). I had put so much time and effort into the relationship...that I was just going to see it through. We dated in high school and throughout college. It was time to take the next step (according to all of these young couples who take the plunge). I think I would have been somewhat happy if it would have gone that way...but this person and I were not on the same wavelengths. I thought that was how it went....you are together for so long...now its time to get married. If that works for you, then hey, don't listen to me...I am not even married...so honestly I have no idea what the hell I am talking about.
I just didn't/don't want to wake up 25 years down the line and realize that I am not happy. I don't want to have that thought in my head of...."why did I even get married to this person?". I guess there is no way of really knowing that...huh? I mean you could marry the perfect person and still be unhappy with them.
"Want to see a woman stop shaving her legs, and guy get a beer belly.....get em married" (Friends, Season 8).
Now do not get me wrong. I cared for this person very deeply. I would have done anything for her....(all the cliche things that a guy would do for a girl). But I had that voice that kept bugging me. I am thankful that she ended the relationship, because I started to side with the mindset of "well...I guess I am in it for the long haul". And brother, that is not cool....
In my original post I was going to say what I thought a marriage should look like...but I honestly don't know. I think everyone is different....I also know that I absolutely hate it when a marriage tries to conform into what a church tells them to do. I think they are just setting themselves up to fail and will be disappointed in the end...God knows what a marriage should be like. Why don't you just ask him...? I guess I will start so I can hopefully have some sort of an idea.
I bet it has a lot to do with growing up!
I apologize that this really made no sense. I mean like no sense...I am trying to help myself get through everything by writing it all down. If you got something....I am glad.
I do know that when I propose to a girl....there will be no greater proposal. I have a couple random cool ones in my mind, but it really depends on the person and what she likes. I just want to walk away from it knowing that I could not have done a better job. I also would like for her to tell the story to others and if there are any guys around they think to themselves..."well....damn....what am I supposed to do now...? this guy dominated my idea..."
-Adam
There is a difference between safety and happiness. The former...easier...but the latter...much more fulfilling.
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Relationships everywhere...what to do...don't ask me.
Ok...I cannot believe I am going to even attempt to write about what was just on my mind, but I will try. Oh and this post will most likely be very long. I apologize. Fortunately for you, you may exit anytime!
First I have to immediately side track...
My previous post may have been fuzzy, but I will try to clear it up by explaining how I got there in several discussions or posts. I also thought that these lyrics went right along with what I was talking about when it comes to question things and be cautious of everything you hear.
"Cause we are all born in to a controlled mindset.
God, money makes a death threat on ethics.
Governed by greed and a stale routine.
Can we just justify the means if we're...
Plugged in, tuned out?
We all need to wake up 'cause we've been
Detached for too long.
We need to deprogram from
Shifting with the public eye.
We have a right to question why.
See through the lies,
Re-sensitize, and look closer."
I will divulge into that topic more at a later time!
Ok. So relationships...hmmm...I was just sitting in my garage playing guitar and smoking a cigar (which is very unlike me, for those of you who know me well, but I felt like being a grown up I guess). Anyways, something just kept coming to mind and it was relationships. I have been trying for about a year to dissect my brain and thoughts on life, God, love, purpose...you know all that stuff. I think relationships falls under all of those categories and can definitely alter them drastically, positive or negative.
Since I want to share my experience, I will do my best to start with my relationship. This will be the first time I have written about it so specifically, but I think it will be beneficial, so here we go...
My previous relationship lasted for quite sometime. It was on and off for close to four years (on for the majority). It started when we were both just 17 years old, which scares me because here pretty soon I will be 23 (don't want to grow up fully). When the relationship started in high school, I think we both felt that it was fun and great to be hanging out with each other a lot. High school ended and we ending up going to the same college. The relationship progressed through the years, a break up here and there, but we found each other again and again. We were constantly getting closer and closer, discussing the future possibilities of life and the relationship. I became quite scared because of the word "marriage" and began to withdraw myself (I will get to that later).
Eventually, things became redundant. Now the blame can be taken or dished 3 ways I found.
1. I could take all of the blame for the problems, faults, fights, redundancy...blah blah
2. She could take all of the blame for the above things...
3. I could admit that we were both just two kids/young adults learning how to grow up and better ourselves as people. We both have our faults, no one should be given the total blame, and we should learn from the experience as much as possible.
Now...I went through number 1 for a couple of months. Did the whole "please someone take pity on me bit". Yeah I can't eat or sleep...I am really sad...all that stuff. (Please don't pity me now, I acted like I didn't want it then when I really did, but now I am fine). So number one started to get old because of its terrible side affects.
I then of course proceeded to number 2. Now that made me feel good for about a week, but I continually stayed in that mindset for a couple of months. I let anger take control...and that was not good. I spent most of my spring/summer angry because of my sadness. I did not want to be sad anymore so I turned to the next emotion I could. I was irrational and negative about everything. I began to fuel an attitude towards the person that was very unlike my character. Luckily after a while I realized how immature this place was and I finally decided to move on.
Number 3. Ah.....it is such a better place to be. I am a confused kid who is looking for answers wherever I think the answers are and she most likely is too. I accept that I had much to do with the faults in the relationship, but I agree that she had faults as well. We are not perfect! I know that at times we tend to take the whole blame to make ourselves feel better (at least we think it will make us feel better), but we should focus on the road that lies ahead. (Learned that from a friend, thanks Mama D if you are reading). The future. Grow up and learn from those mistakes.
So that is where I am now. Now let me tell you just a couple of things I have learned about relationships...the good, bad, and down right dirty...(I am no expert...trust me).
I feel what killed me was the complacency of the relationship. I searched for a definition just to see what came up and I like this one the best, complacent - "Uncritically satisfied with oneself or one's achievements; smug; Apathetic with regard to an apparent need or problem". This right here...kills relationships everyday. It slowly creeps up and sets in. After a while its like "what is the point". I became content where I was because I just did not want to try anymore. It became to much effort. I was satisfied with where I was. (Guys...girls dun like that) That mindset was just the beginning of my downward spiral.
So a solution to this? Honestly, I have no magic answers. I think it takes a very special bond between to people to never fall in to the mundane routines of relationships or marriage. (I don't mean that routines are bad, I just mean that effort must be given in order to keep it spicy if you will). I am not married so I could be speaking completely out of line. But in my experience, I know that effort was at an all time low.
Communication - Yeah...for guys that apparently is a problem. All I know is that women speak a different language. They say one thing and mean something completely different. They ask you if you will do something, giving you an option, but really there is only one option. I think this just takes time to learn from.
Sacrifices - Wow...this one can literally make or break you as the "best boyfriend/husband ever" or the "worst boyfriend/husband ever". Dude, the bachelor/ette might possibly be one of the dumbest shows ever made, but you know what, if she loves it...you need to support her. I have learned that communication and sacrifices go hand in hand. If you can pick up on hints and surprise her by showing interest in her life and its entirety you are not only scoring amazing points, but you are doing something good. I don't mean lie to her. Of course she knows that you don't care who got the rose or who didn't, but show that you are willing to be there for her even in the hardest of times (yes, watching one of those shows is one of the hardest times for me). The chances are that she will gladly recognize your dedication and continually put up with you (because lets be honest, she is probably way out of your league).
Ok...I rambled a lot...but notice how I did not mention anything about God. I do not care what you believe in, but relationships across the realm have the same principles for the most part.
So how did I start my "dark path", as I like to call it...well I not only became complacent in my relationship with a girl, but I did with God too. I attempted to reach out, but I failed miserably (as we all do). I made it worse by turning my anger towards him and acting like he owed me something. When in reality, he owes us nothing. I mean he is a graceful God and loves us never ending, but what does he owe us? Nothing. But he gives it to us anyways. That is a relationship right there. A good one. He was there the entire time holding out his hand just ready for me to take it, but I once again, did not want to put forth the tiniest effort. I wanted everything done for me. So was the same in my relationship. I wanted things to change, but I didn't want to do it.
So where am I now? Well I can tell you that my relationship with God is much of the opposite of where it has ever been. I feel like I am just now starting to put forth the effort. The funny thing is, I have already seen and experienced more amazing, beautiful things (life, friends, love) since I have started to try. I also am able to see so many of the amazing things in the past that were right in front of my face that I missed out on. Fortunately, I now have the option to learn from this whole experience. Life is full of relationships. Please...do not take them for granted, friendships, intimate relationships, and God/Jesus/Holy Spirit (if applicable).
It has almost been a year since my previous relationship and for a while...I never thought I would be here. It is hard for me to believe that I have come so far. I honestly feel like a different person in certain aspects of my life. I am finally happy. I like it. I hope to stay this way and to continually strive in all of my relationships. I want to never be just "satisfied". It is too easy to get settled and live in the routine. And yes I am aware that it is easier said that done....
Sorry to drag everything out. Marriage post tomorrow!
- A dubs.
I saw this posted by a friend a while back and it has stuck with me since then. It was along these lines.
Would you rather be boasting in your weaknesses or rejoicing in your painful trials?
Think about it!
First I have to immediately side track...
My previous post may have been fuzzy, but I will try to clear it up by explaining how I got there in several discussions or posts. I also thought that these lyrics went right along with what I was talking about when it comes to question things and be cautious of everything you hear.
"Cause we are all born in to a controlled mindset.
God, money makes a death threat on ethics.
Governed by greed and a stale routine.
Can we just justify the means if we're...
Plugged in, tuned out?
We all need to wake up 'cause we've been
Detached for too long.
We need to deprogram from
Shifting with the public eye.
We have a right to question why.
See through the lies,
Re-sensitize, and look closer."
I will divulge into that topic more at a later time!
Ok. So relationships...hmmm...I was just sitting in my garage playing guitar and smoking a cigar (which is very unlike me, for those of you who know me well, but I felt like being a grown up I guess). Anyways, something just kept coming to mind and it was relationships. I have been trying for about a year to dissect my brain and thoughts on life, God, love, purpose...you know all that stuff. I think relationships falls under all of those categories and can definitely alter them drastically, positive or negative.
Since I want to share my experience, I will do my best to start with my relationship. This will be the first time I have written about it so specifically, but I think it will be beneficial, so here we go...
My previous relationship lasted for quite sometime. It was on and off for close to four years (on for the majority). It started when we were both just 17 years old, which scares me because here pretty soon I will be 23 (don't want to grow up fully). When the relationship started in high school, I think we both felt that it was fun and great to be hanging out with each other a lot. High school ended and we ending up going to the same college. The relationship progressed through the years, a break up here and there, but we found each other again and again. We were constantly getting closer and closer, discussing the future possibilities of life and the relationship. I became quite scared because of the word "marriage" and began to withdraw myself (I will get to that later).
Eventually, things became redundant. Now the blame can be taken or dished 3 ways I found.
1. I could take all of the blame for the problems, faults, fights, redundancy...blah blah
2. She could take all of the blame for the above things...
3. I could admit that we were both just two kids/young adults learning how to grow up and better ourselves as people. We both have our faults, no one should be given the total blame, and we should learn from the experience as much as possible.
Now...I went through number 1 for a couple of months. Did the whole "please someone take pity on me bit". Yeah I can't eat or sleep...I am really sad...all that stuff. (Please don't pity me now, I acted like I didn't want it then when I really did, but now I am fine). So number one started to get old because of its terrible side affects.
I then of course proceeded to number 2. Now that made me feel good for about a week, but I continually stayed in that mindset for a couple of months. I let anger take control...and that was not good. I spent most of my spring/summer angry because of my sadness. I did not want to be sad anymore so I turned to the next emotion I could. I was irrational and negative about everything. I began to fuel an attitude towards the person that was very unlike my character. Luckily after a while I realized how immature this place was and I finally decided to move on.
Number 3. Ah.....it is such a better place to be. I am a confused kid who is looking for answers wherever I think the answers are and she most likely is too. I accept that I had much to do with the faults in the relationship, but I agree that she had faults as well. We are not perfect! I know that at times we tend to take the whole blame to make ourselves feel better (at least we think it will make us feel better), but we should focus on the road that lies ahead. (Learned that from a friend, thanks Mama D if you are reading). The future. Grow up and learn from those mistakes.
So that is where I am now. Now let me tell you just a couple of things I have learned about relationships...the good, bad, and down right dirty...(I am no expert...trust me).
I feel what killed me was the complacency of the relationship. I searched for a definition just to see what came up and I like this one the best, complacent - "Uncritically satisfied with oneself or one's achievements; smug; Apathetic with regard to an apparent need or problem". This right here...kills relationships everyday. It slowly creeps up and sets in. After a while its like "what is the point". I became content where I was because I just did not want to try anymore. It became to much effort. I was satisfied with where I was. (Guys...girls dun like that) That mindset was just the beginning of my downward spiral.
So a solution to this? Honestly, I have no magic answers. I think it takes a very special bond between to people to never fall in to the mundane routines of relationships or marriage. (I don't mean that routines are bad, I just mean that effort must be given in order to keep it spicy if you will). I am not married so I could be speaking completely out of line. But in my experience, I know that effort was at an all time low.
Communication - Yeah...for guys that apparently is a problem. All I know is that women speak a different language. They say one thing and mean something completely different. They ask you if you will do something, giving you an option, but really there is only one option. I think this just takes time to learn from.
Sacrifices - Wow...this one can literally make or break you as the "best boyfriend/husband ever" or the "worst boyfriend/husband ever". Dude, the bachelor/ette might possibly be one of the dumbest shows ever made, but you know what, if she loves it...you need to support her. I have learned that communication and sacrifices go hand in hand. If you can pick up on hints and surprise her by showing interest in her life and its entirety you are not only scoring amazing points, but you are doing something good. I don't mean lie to her. Of course she knows that you don't care who got the rose or who didn't, but show that you are willing to be there for her even in the hardest of times (yes, watching one of those shows is one of the hardest times for me). The chances are that she will gladly recognize your dedication and continually put up with you (because lets be honest, she is probably way out of your league).
Ok...I rambled a lot...but notice how I did not mention anything about God. I do not care what you believe in, but relationships across the realm have the same principles for the most part.
So how did I start my "dark path", as I like to call it...well I not only became complacent in my relationship with a girl, but I did with God too. I attempted to reach out, but I failed miserably (as we all do). I made it worse by turning my anger towards him and acting like he owed me something. When in reality, he owes us nothing. I mean he is a graceful God and loves us never ending, but what does he owe us? Nothing. But he gives it to us anyways. That is a relationship right there. A good one. He was there the entire time holding out his hand just ready for me to take it, but I once again, did not want to put forth the tiniest effort. I wanted everything done for me. So was the same in my relationship. I wanted things to change, but I didn't want to do it.
So where am I now? Well I can tell you that my relationship with God is much of the opposite of where it has ever been. I feel like I am just now starting to put forth the effort. The funny thing is, I have already seen and experienced more amazing, beautiful things (life, friends, love) since I have started to try. I also am able to see so many of the amazing things in the past that were right in front of my face that I missed out on. Fortunately, I now have the option to learn from this whole experience. Life is full of relationships. Please...do not take them for granted, friendships, intimate relationships, and God/Jesus/Holy Spirit (if applicable).
It has almost been a year since my previous relationship and for a while...I never thought I would be here. It is hard for me to believe that I have come so far. I honestly feel like a different person in certain aspects of my life. I am finally happy. I like it. I hope to stay this way and to continually strive in all of my relationships. I want to never be just "satisfied". It is too easy to get settled and live in the routine. And yes I am aware that it is easier said that done....
Sorry to drag everything out. Marriage post tomorrow!
- A dubs.
I saw this posted by a friend a while back and it has stuck with me since then. It was along these lines.
Would you rather be boasting in your weaknesses or rejoicing in your painful trials?
Think about it!
Saturday, September 4, 2010
The darkness shall set you free.
So it has been quite sometime. There is a reason for this. Unfortunately, it is not a good reason.
The reason being that I created this blog for an outlet for myself and a way to put my thoughts down on paper for anyone to read and provide some sort of “advice” or whatever you would like to call it. Trash, you could call it trash as well. I will not be offended.
I have wanted to write about this topic for almost a year, but I have not had the guts. I was very open to think it and say it behind closed doors, but I wouldn’t openly admit it to others.
In the darkest times of our lives we learn who we really are. What we are really made of, how strong we are, and what we are willing to do for a sense of “happiness”.
If you are not religious, you will still search and look for something great to provide happiness, well most people will.
So there I was. I had stated what I had believed for my whole life, but I was basically on a cliff…If I fell to the left I was going to fall back on my faith and know that things would be ok. If I fell to the right I was going to be pretty disappointed in the “God” that I had spent my life believing in and trying to be a good person for so he would bless me (justification by faith, not by works…by the way).
So honestly, I stood there for about 8 months. I had been constantly creeping to the right side because I was asking questions that I never imagined I would ask myself. I was trying to find answers in something other than whatever I had believed before. I wanted relief and comfort in tangible things. I wanted my friends, or family to make it all better. I was clearly not getting anything from this God that loved me so much. I was basically trying to disprove what I believed because I felt like I was getting no where with this whole concept of faith and the ridiculous amount of waiting and understanding that everything will be alright in the end. I literally wanted and did several times, say that I was just frustrated and angered by the way that I was being treated. I could not accept that God could let me go through this without any sort of assistance or show me any light at the end of the tunnel.
I was fed freaking up with him and all of his wacky antics. “yeah…yeah…yeah…turn something good out of this bad situation….” I mocked his words several times. Let’s not fool ourselves, whenever we are suffering from whatever it is that has a hold on us and brings us down, we start to think negatively, we can even become engulfed by its mindset. We can loose sight of the good.
I will try not to drag this out any further….but basically I was on the edge of the right side staring down, ready to just be done with it all. Luckily through the persistence of someone who does not owe us anything, and who loves and provide us with grace more than we will ever know, somehow reached to me. It came to me in a book. The Shack. I don’t know how everyone feels about it, but I do not care. I feel like it saved my life.
This book is for those who are hurt and suffering. For those who are standing there saying to God, “you are doing nothing, so why did I even ever waste my time on you”. I cried many times just thinking of how negative I was towards my Savior. I told him I wanted his help no more, but it was impossible to get rid of him. He constantly made himself known to me. He brought me to a place that I have never known before. He has put actual life into me. Life that has never been there. I feel like now I am starting to understand that I will not ever be able to understand the full power and ability of God.
I leave you with something simple. Question things. I think that it was the best thing for me to ever do. I know that it was one of the scariest times of my life because of what my 2 options were, but I questioned all that I could. Don’t be a believer who just accepts whatever you hear. Search for happiness and look for it. Remember…you will never find what you are truly looking for unless that thing is God. He is actually quite easy to find. He is everywhere and will always make himself known. I hate to tell you that the only true happiness is in a relationship with God. Also, if you are searching for answers, don’t be surprised when you do not find all of them. Just make an attempt to be content with the mysterious part of God and who he is (yes I know it can be very frustrating). I would recommend the book. It has many good points.
I will write you again very soon and explain some of the details. I promise.
“Lord show me the way, let my words be your words, let my thoughts be your thoughts, I give you my praise, show me the way, take me in your arms, never let me go, I trust in you for life to live, air to breathe, purity fill my lungs, Lord show me the way as I give myself to you, never let me go, hold me with you everlasting love, be my strength, be my voice, my glory, set me free”
He can really do all of those things, but man does it take time and a lot of patience…
The reason being that I created this blog for an outlet for myself and a way to put my thoughts down on paper for anyone to read and provide some sort of “advice” or whatever you would like to call it. Trash, you could call it trash as well. I will not be offended.
I have wanted to write about this topic for almost a year, but I have not had the guts. I was very open to think it and say it behind closed doors, but I wouldn’t openly admit it to others.
In the darkest times of our lives we learn who we really are. What we are really made of, how strong we are, and what we are willing to do for a sense of “happiness”.
If you are not religious, you will still search and look for something great to provide happiness, well most people will.
So there I was. I had stated what I had believed for my whole life, but I was basically on a cliff…If I fell to the left I was going to fall back on my faith and know that things would be ok. If I fell to the right I was going to be pretty disappointed in the “God” that I had spent my life believing in and trying to be a good person for so he would bless me (justification by faith, not by works…by the way).
So honestly, I stood there for about 8 months. I had been constantly creeping to the right side because I was asking questions that I never imagined I would ask myself. I was trying to find answers in something other than whatever I had believed before. I wanted relief and comfort in tangible things. I wanted my friends, or family to make it all better. I was clearly not getting anything from this God that loved me so much. I was basically trying to disprove what I believed because I felt like I was getting no where with this whole concept of faith and the ridiculous amount of waiting and understanding that everything will be alright in the end. I literally wanted and did several times, say that I was just frustrated and angered by the way that I was being treated. I could not accept that God could let me go through this without any sort of assistance or show me any light at the end of the tunnel.
I was fed freaking up with him and all of his wacky antics. “yeah…yeah…yeah…turn something good out of this bad situation….” I mocked his words several times. Let’s not fool ourselves, whenever we are suffering from whatever it is that has a hold on us and brings us down, we start to think negatively, we can even become engulfed by its mindset. We can loose sight of the good.
I will try not to drag this out any further….but basically I was on the edge of the right side staring down, ready to just be done with it all. Luckily through the persistence of someone who does not owe us anything, and who loves and provide us with grace more than we will ever know, somehow reached to me. It came to me in a book. The Shack. I don’t know how everyone feels about it, but I do not care. I feel like it saved my life.
This book is for those who are hurt and suffering. For those who are standing there saying to God, “you are doing nothing, so why did I even ever waste my time on you”. I cried many times just thinking of how negative I was towards my Savior. I told him I wanted his help no more, but it was impossible to get rid of him. He constantly made himself known to me. He brought me to a place that I have never known before. He has put actual life into me. Life that has never been there. I feel like now I am starting to understand that I will not ever be able to understand the full power and ability of God.
I leave you with something simple. Question things. I think that it was the best thing for me to ever do. I know that it was one of the scariest times of my life because of what my 2 options were, but I questioned all that I could. Don’t be a believer who just accepts whatever you hear. Search for happiness and look for it. Remember…you will never find what you are truly looking for unless that thing is God. He is actually quite easy to find. He is everywhere and will always make himself known. I hate to tell you that the only true happiness is in a relationship with God. Also, if you are searching for answers, don’t be surprised when you do not find all of them. Just make an attempt to be content with the mysterious part of God and who he is (yes I know it can be very frustrating). I would recommend the book. It has many good points.
I will write you again very soon and explain some of the details. I promise.
“Lord show me the way, let my words be your words, let my thoughts be your thoughts, I give you my praise, show me the way, take me in your arms, never let me go, I trust in you for life to live, air to breathe, purity fill my lungs, Lord show me the way as I give myself to you, never let me go, hold me with you everlasting love, be my strength, be my voice, my glory, set me free”
He can really do all of those things, but man does it take time and a lot of patience…
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