I know I said I would post this 'tomorrow' like two weeks ago....but I just kept going back and forth on what to say and decided against what I was originally going to post. Also I got a little busy.
So I promised I would describe my journey. And I sincerely hope I do not offend anyone with this post. I will most likely make some snide remarks about marriage and all that jazz. (not that i don't support it...just read it to understand my nonsense) And these are just my opinions and views on marriage. They could be absolute crap for all I know.
Well....
So there we were...getting close to the "do we get married.....or what" talk. I of course outwardly expressed yes and feelings of happiness. But honestly on the inside I just could not fathom the idea of being married yet. I was 20 years old and was trying to figure out if I wanted to be with this person forever. That is a big question! I mean to me it is. It scares me when people (guys and girls) are so quick to make that decision in their head. Did they even really think about it??? I don't think it is wrong for me to say that I thought about it a lot. It wasn't that I was unsatisfied with this person. I just constantly had something in the back of my mind that said "no...you are not ready".
It was a constant battle back and forth. I always had a feeling that I was not ready. Now I have a better understanding of why...and what marriage is about (well...kind of).
I was so young....I am still so young. I have so many things that I am still learning (yeah you can still learn them being married). But I want to have an idea of who I really want to be with. I want to know more about myself. I want all of those other cliche things about a woman too...(like from the notebook...all that kinda stuff...) Just kidding, but seriously.
Here is a big reason or the reason that I realized it could not have worked out. And this does not apply to everyone...I know some great couples that I think are truly in love and are genuinely happy (they still fight, which i think is a good sign). I had put so much time and effort into the relationship...that I was just going to see it through. We dated in high school and throughout college. It was time to take the next step (according to all of these young couples who take the plunge). I think I would have been somewhat happy if it would have gone that way...but this person and I were not on the same wavelengths. I thought that was how it went....you are together for so long...now its time to get married. If that works for you, then hey, don't listen to me...I am not even married...so honestly I have no idea what the hell I am talking about.
I just didn't/don't want to wake up 25 years down the line and realize that I am not happy. I don't want to have that thought in my head of...."why did I even get married to this person?". I guess there is no way of really knowing that...huh? I mean you could marry the perfect person and still be unhappy with them.
"Want to see a woman stop shaving her legs, and guy get a beer belly.....get em married" (Friends, Season 8).
Now do not get me wrong. I cared for this person very deeply. I would have done anything for her....(all the cliche things that a guy would do for a girl). But I had that voice that kept bugging me. I am thankful that she ended the relationship, because I started to side with the mindset of "well...I guess I am in it for the long haul". And brother, that is not cool....
In my original post I was going to say what I thought a marriage should look like...but I honestly don't know. I think everyone is different....I also know that I absolutely hate it when a marriage tries to conform into what a church tells them to do. I think they are just setting themselves up to fail and will be disappointed in the end...God knows what a marriage should be like. Why don't you just ask him...? I guess I will start so I can hopefully have some sort of an idea.
I bet it has a lot to do with growing up!
I apologize that this really made no sense. I mean like no sense...I am trying to help myself get through everything by writing it all down. If you got something....I am glad.
I do know that when I propose to a girl....there will be no greater proposal. I have a couple random cool ones in my mind, but it really depends on the person and what she likes. I just want to walk away from it knowing that I could not have done a better job. I also would like for her to tell the story to others and if there are any guys around they think to themselves..."well....damn....what am I supposed to do now...? this guy dominated my idea..."
-Adam
There is a difference between safety and happiness. The former...easier...but the latter...much more fulfilling.
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Relationships everywhere...what to do...don't ask me.
Ok...I cannot believe I am going to even attempt to write about what was just on my mind, but I will try. Oh and this post will most likely be very long. I apologize. Fortunately for you, you may exit anytime!
First I have to immediately side track...
My previous post may have been fuzzy, but I will try to clear it up by explaining how I got there in several discussions or posts. I also thought that these lyrics went right along with what I was talking about when it comes to question things and be cautious of everything you hear.
"Cause we are all born in to a controlled mindset.
God, money makes a death threat on ethics.
Governed by greed and a stale routine.
Can we just justify the means if we're...
Plugged in, tuned out?
We all need to wake up 'cause we've been
Detached for too long.
We need to deprogram from
Shifting with the public eye.
We have a right to question why.
See through the lies,
Re-sensitize, and look closer."
I will divulge into that topic more at a later time!
Ok. So relationships...hmmm...I was just sitting in my garage playing guitar and smoking a cigar (which is very unlike me, for those of you who know me well, but I felt like being a grown up I guess). Anyways, something just kept coming to mind and it was relationships. I have been trying for about a year to dissect my brain and thoughts on life, God, love, purpose...you know all that stuff. I think relationships falls under all of those categories and can definitely alter them drastically, positive or negative.
Since I want to share my experience, I will do my best to start with my relationship. This will be the first time I have written about it so specifically, but I think it will be beneficial, so here we go...
My previous relationship lasted for quite sometime. It was on and off for close to four years (on for the majority). It started when we were both just 17 years old, which scares me because here pretty soon I will be 23 (don't want to grow up fully). When the relationship started in high school, I think we both felt that it was fun and great to be hanging out with each other a lot. High school ended and we ending up going to the same college. The relationship progressed through the years, a break up here and there, but we found each other again and again. We were constantly getting closer and closer, discussing the future possibilities of life and the relationship. I became quite scared because of the word "marriage" and began to withdraw myself (I will get to that later).
Eventually, things became redundant. Now the blame can be taken or dished 3 ways I found.
1. I could take all of the blame for the problems, faults, fights, redundancy...blah blah
2. She could take all of the blame for the above things...
3. I could admit that we were both just two kids/young adults learning how to grow up and better ourselves as people. We both have our faults, no one should be given the total blame, and we should learn from the experience as much as possible.
Now...I went through number 1 for a couple of months. Did the whole "please someone take pity on me bit". Yeah I can't eat or sleep...I am really sad...all that stuff. (Please don't pity me now, I acted like I didn't want it then when I really did, but now I am fine). So number one started to get old because of its terrible side affects.
I then of course proceeded to number 2. Now that made me feel good for about a week, but I continually stayed in that mindset for a couple of months. I let anger take control...and that was not good. I spent most of my spring/summer angry because of my sadness. I did not want to be sad anymore so I turned to the next emotion I could. I was irrational and negative about everything. I began to fuel an attitude towards the person that was very unlike my character. Luckily after a while I realized how immature this place was and I finally decided to move on.
Number 3. Ah.....it is such a better place to be. I am a confused kid who is looking for answers wherever I think the answers are and she most likely is too. I accept that I had much to do with the faults in the relationship, but I agree that she had faults as well. We are not perfect! I know that at times we tend to take the whole blame to make ourselves feel better (at least we think it will make us feel better), but we should focus on the road that lies ahead. (Learned that from a friend, thanks Mama D if you are reading). The future. Grow up and learn from those mistakes.
So that is where I am now. Now let me tell you just a couple of things I have learned about relationships...the good, bad, and down right dirty...(I am no expert...trust me).
I feel what killed me was the complacency of the relationship. I searched for a definition just to see what came up and I like this one the best, complacent - "Uncritically satisfied with oneself or one's achievements; smug; Apathetic with regard to an apparent need or problem". This right here...kills relationships everyday. It slowly creeps up and sets in. After a while its like "what is the point". I became content where I was because I just did not want to try anymore. It became to much effort. I was satisfied with where I was. (Guys...girls dun like that) That mindset was just the beginning of my downward spiral.
So a solution to this? Honestly, I have no magic answers. I think it takes a very special bond between to people to never fall in to the mundane routines of relationships or marriage. (I don't mean that routines are bad, I just mean that effort must be given in order to keep it spicy if you will). I am not married so I could be speaking completely out of line. But in my experience, I know that effort was at an all time low.
Communication - Yeah...for guys that apparently is a problem. All I know is that women speak a different language. They say one thing and mean something completely different. They ask you if you will do something, giving you an option, but really there is only one option. I think this just takes time to learn from.
Sacrifices - Wow...this one can literally make or break you as the "best boyfriend/husband ever" or the "worst boyfriend/husband ever". Dude, the bachelor/ette might possibly be one of the dumbest shows ever made, but you know what, if she loves it...you need to support her. I have learned that communication and sacrifices go hand in hand. If you can pick up on hints and surprise her by showing interest in her life and its entirety you are not only scoring amazing points, but you are doing something good. I don't mean lie to her. Of course she knows that you don't care who got the rose or who didn't, but show that you are willing to be there for her even in the hardest of times (yes, watching one of those shows is one of the hardest times for me). The chances are that she will gladly recognize your dedication and continually put up with you (because lets be honest, she is probably way out of your league).
Ok...I rambled a lot...but notice how I did not mention anything about God. I do not care what you believe in, but relationships across the realm have the same principles for the most part.
So how did I start my "dark path", as I like to call it...well I not only became complacent in my relationship with a girl, but I did with God too. I attempted to reach out, but I failed miserably (as we all do). I made it worse by turning my anger towards him and acting like he owed me something. When in reality, he owes us nothing. I mean he is a graceful God and loves us never ending, but what does he owe us? Nothing. But he gives it to us anyways. That is a relationship right there. A good one. He was there the entire time holding out his hand just ready for me to take it, but I once again, did not want to put forth the tiniest effort. I wanted everything done for me. So was the same in my relationship. I wanted things to change, but I didn't want to do it.
So where am I now? Well I can tell you that my relationship with God is much of the opposite of where it has ever been. I feel like I am just now starting to put forth the effort. The funny thing is, I have already seen and experienced more amazing, beautiful things (life, friends, love) since I have started to try. I also am able to see so many of the amazing things in the past that were right in front of my face that I missed out on. Fortunately, I now have the option to learn from this whole experience. Life is full of relationships. Please...do not take them for granted, friendships, intimate relationships, and God/Jesus/Holy Spirit (if applicable).
It has almost been a year since my previous relationship and for a while...I never thought I would be here. It is hard for me to believe that I have come so far. I honestly feel like a different person in certain aspects of my life. I am finally happy. I like it. I hope to stay this way and to continually strive in all of my relationships. I want to never be just "satisfied". It is too easy to get settled and live in the routine. And yes I am aware that it is easier said that done....
Sorry to drag everything out. Marriage post tomorrow!
- A dubs.
I saw this posted by a friend a while back and it has stuck with me since then. It was along these lines.
Would you rather be boasting in your weaknesses or rejoicing in your painful trials?
Think about it!
First I have to immediately side track...
My previous post may have been fuzzy, but I will try to clear it up by explaining how I got there in several discussions or posts. I also thought that these lyrics went right along with what I was talking about when it comes to question things and be cautious of everything you hear.
"Cause we are all born in to a controlled mindset.
God, money makes a death threat on ethics.
Governed by greed and a stale routine.
Can we just justify the means if we're...
Plugged in, tuned out?
We all need to wake up 'cause we've been
Detached for too long.
We need to deprogram from
Shifting with the public eye.
We have a right to question why.
See through the lies,
Re-sensitize, and look closer."
I will divulge into that topic more at a later time!
Ok. So relationships...hmmm...I was just sitting in my garage playing guitar and smoking a cigar (which is very unlike me, for those of you who know me well, but I felt like being a grown up I guess). Anyways, something just kept coming to mind and it was relationships. I have been trying for about a year to dissect my brain and thoughts on life, God, love, purpose...you know all that stuff. I think relationships falls under all of those categories and can definitely alter them drastically, positive or negative.
Since I want to share my experience, I will do my best to start with my relationship. This will be the first time I have written about it so specifically, but I think it will be beneficial, so here we go...
My previous relationship lasted for quite sometime. It was on and off for close to four years (on for the majority). It started when we were both just 17 years old, which scares me because here pretty soon I will be 23 (don't want to grow up fully). When the relationship started in high school, I think we both felt that it was fun and great to be hanging out with each other a lot. High school ended and we ending up going to the same college. The relationship progressed through the years, a break up here and there, but we found each other again and again. We were constantly getting closer and closer, discussing the future possibilities of life and the relationship. I became quite scared because of the word "marriage" and began to withdraw myself (I will get to that later).
Eventually, things became redundant. Now the blame can be taken or dished 3 ways I found.
1. I could take all of the blame for the problems, faults, fights, redundancy...blah blah
2. She could take all of the blame for the above things...
3. I could admit that we were both just two kids/young adults learning how to grow up and better ourselves as people. We both have our faults, no one should be given the total blame, and we should learn from the experience as much as possible.
Now...I went through number 1 for a couple of months. Did the whole "please someone take pity on me bit". Yeah I can't eat or sleep...I am really sad...all that stuff. (Please don't pity me now, I acted like I didn't want it then when I really did, but now I am fine). So number one started to get old because of its terrible side affects.
I then of course proceeded to number 2. Now that made me feel good for about a week, but I continually stayed in that mindset for a couple of months. I let anger take control...and that was not good. I spent most of my spring/summer angry because of my sadness. I did not want to be sad anymore so I turned to the next emotion I could. I was irrational and negative about everything. I began to fuel an attitude towards the person that was very unlike my character. Luckily after a while I realized how immature this place was and I finally decided to move on.
Number 3. Ah.....it is such a better place to be. I am a confused kid who is looking for answers wherever I think the answers are and she most likely is too. I accept that I had much to do with the faults in the relationship, but I agree that she had faults as well. We are not perfect! I know that at times we tend to take the whole blame to make ourselves feel better (at least we think it will make us feel better), but we should focus on the road that lies ahead. (Learned that from a friend, thanks Mama D if you are reading). The future. Grow up and learn from those mistakes.
So that is where I am now. Now let me tell you just a couple of things I have learned about relationships...the good, bad, and down right dirty...(I am no expert...trust me).
I feel what killed me was the complacency of the relationship. I searched for a definition just to see what came up and I like this one the best, complacent - "Uncritically satisfied with oneself or one's achievements; smug; Apathetic with regard to an apparent need or problem". This right here...kills relationships everyday. It slowly creeps up and sets in. After a while its like "what is the point". I became content where I was because I just did not want to try anymore. It became to much effort. I was satisfied with where I was. (Guys...girls dun like that) That mindset was just the beginning of my downward spiral.
So a solution to this? Honestly, I have no magic answers. I think it takes a very special bond between to people to never fall in to the mundane routines of relationships or marriage. (I don't mean that routines are bad, I just mean that effort must be given in order to keep it spicy if you will). I am not married so I could be speaking completely out of line. But in my experience, I know that effort was at an all time low.
Communication - Yeah...for guys that apparently is a problem. All I know is that women speak a different language. They say one thing and mean something completely different. They ask you if you will do something, giving you an option, but really there is only one option. I think this just takes time to learn from.
Sacrifices - Wow...this one can literally make or break you as the "best boyfriend/husband ever" or the "worst boyfriend/husband ever". Dude, the bachelor/ette might possibly be one of the dumbest shows ever made, but you know what, if she loves it...you need to support her. I have learned that communication and sacrifices go hand in hand. If you can pick up on hints and surprise her by showing interest in her life and its entirety you are not only scoring amazing points, but you are doing something good. I don't mean lie to her. Of course she knows that you don't care who got the rose or who didn't, but show that you are willing to be there for her even in the hardest of times (yes, watching one of those shows is one of the hardest times for me). The chances are that she will gladly recognize your dedication and continually put up with you (because lets be honest, she is probably way out of your league).
Ok...I rambled a lot...but notice how I did not mention anything about God. I do not care what you believe in, but relationships across the realm have the same principles for the most part.
So how did I start my "dark path", as I like to call it...well I not only became complacent in my relationship with a girl, but I did with God too. I attempted to reach out, but I failed miserably (as we all do). I made it worse by turning my anger towards him and acting like he owed me something. When in reality, he owes us nothing. I mean he is a graceful God and loves us never ending, but what does he owe us? Nothing. But he gives it to us anyways. That is a relationship right there. A good one. He was there the entire time holding out his hand just ready for me to take it, but I once again, did not want to put forth the tiniest effort. I wanted everything done for me. So was the same in my relationship. I wanted things to change, but I didn't want to do it.
So where am I now? Well I can tell you that my relationship with God is much of the opposite of where it has ever been. I feel like I am just now starting to put forth the effort. The funny thing is, I have already seen and experienced more amazing, beautiful things (life, friends, love) since I have started to try. I also am able to see so many of the amazing things in the past that were right in front of my face that I missed out on. Fortunately, I now have the option to learn from this whole experience. Life is full of relationships. Please...do not take them for granted, friendships, intimate relationships, and God/Jesus/Holy Spirit (if applicable).
It has almost been a year since my previous relationship and for a while...I never thought I would be here. It is hard for me to believe that I have come so far. I honestly feel like a different person in certain aspects of my life. I am finally happy. I like it. I hope to stay this way and to continually strive in all of my relationships. I want to never be just "satisfied". It is too easy to get settled and live in the routine. And yes I am aware that it is easier said that done....
Sorry to drag everything out. Marriage post tomorrow!
- A dubs.
I saw this posted by a friend a while back and it has stuck with me since then. It was along these lines.
Would you rather be boasting in your weaknesses or rejoicing in your painful trials?
Think about it!
Saturday, September 4, 2010
The darkness shall set you free.
So it has been quite sometime. There is a reason for this. Unfortunately, it is not a good reason.
The reason being that I created this blog for an outlet for myself and a way to put my thoughts down on paper for anyone to read and provide some sort of “advice” or whatever you would like to call it. Trash, you could call it trash as well. I will not be offended.
I have wanted to write about this topic for almost a year, but I have not had the guts. I was very open to think it and say it behind closed doors, but I wouldn’t openly admit it to others.
In the darkest times of our lives we learn who we really are. What we are really made of, how strong we are, and what we are willing to do for a sense of “happiness”.
If you are not religious, you will still search and look for something great to provide happiness, well most people will.
So there I was. I had stated what I had believed for my whole life, but I was basically on a cliff…If I fell to the left I was going to fall back on my faith and know that things would be ok. If I fell to the right I was going to be pretty disappointed in the “God” that I had spent my life believing in and trying to be a good person for so he would bless me (justification by faith, not by works…by the way).
So honestly, I stood there for about 8 months. I had been constantly creeping to the right side because I was asking questions that I never imagined I would ask myself. I was trying to find answers in something other than whatever I had believed before. I wanted relief and comfort in tangible things. I wanted my friends, or family to make it all better. I was clearly not getting anything from this God that loved me so much. I was basically trying to disprove what I believed because I felt like I was getting no where with this whole concept of faith and the ridiculous amount of waiting and understanding that everything will be alright in the end. I literally wanted and did several times, say that I was just frustrated and angered by the way that I was being treated. I could not accept that God could let me go through this without any sort of assistance or show me any light at the end of the tunnel.
I was fed freaking up with him and all of his wacky antics. “yeah…yeah…yeah…turn something good out of this bad situation….” I mocked his words several times. Let’s not fool ourselves, whenever we are suffering from whatever it is that has a hold on us and brings us down, we start to think negatively, we can even become engulfed by its mindset. We can loose sight of the good.
I will try not to drag this out any further….but basically I was on the edge of the right side staring down, ready to just be done with it all. Luckily through the persistence of someone who does not owe us anything, and who loves and provide us with grace more than we will ever know, somehow reached to me. It came to me in a book. The Shack. I don’t know how everyone feels about it, but I do not care. I feel like it saved my life.
This book is for those who are hurt and suffering. For those who are standing there saying to God, “you are doing nothing, so why did I even ever waste my time on you”. I cried many times just thinking of how negative I was towards my Savior. I told him I wanted his help no more, but it was impossible to get rid of him. He constantly made himself known to me. He brought me to a place that I have never known before. He has put actual life into me. Life that has never been there. I feel like now I am starting to understand that I will not ever be able to understand the full power and ability of God.
I leave you with something simple. Question things. I think that it was the best thing for me to ever do. I know that it was one of the scariest times of my life because of what my 2 options were, but I questioned all that I could. Don’t be a believer who just accepts whatever you hear. Search for happiness and look for it. Remember…you will never find what you are truly looking for unless that thing is God. He is actually quite easy to find. He is everywhere and will always make himself known. I hate to tell you that the only true happiness is in a relationship with God. Also, if you are searching for answers, don’t be surprised when you do not find all of them. Just make an attempt to be content with the mysterious part of God and who he is (yes I know it can be very frustrating). I would recommend the book. It has many good points.
I will write you again very soon and explain some of the details. I promise.
“Lord show me the way, let my words be your words, let my thoughts be your thoughts, I give you my praise, show me the way, take me in your arms, never let me go, I trust in you for life to live, air to breathe, purity fill my lungs, Lord show me the way as I give myself to you, never let me go, hold me with you everlasting love, be my strength, be my voice, my glory, set me free”
He can really do all of those things, but man does it take time and a lot of patience…
The reason being that I created this blog for an outlet for myself and a way to put my thoughts down on paper for anyone to read and provide some sort of “advice” or whatever you would like to call it. Trash, you could call it trash as well. I will not be offended.
I have wanted to write about this topic for almost a year, but I have not had the guts. I was very open to think it and say it behind closed doors, but I wouldn’t openly admit it to others.
In the darkest times of our lives we learn who we really are. What we are really made of, how strong we are, and what we are willing to do for a sense of “happiness”.
If you are not religious, you will still search and look for something great to provide happiness, well most people will.
So there I was. I had stated what I had believed for my whole life, but I was basically on a cliff…If I fell to the left I was going to fall back on my faith and know that things would be ok. If I fell to the right I was going to be pretty disappointed in the “God” that I had spent my life believing in and trying to be a good person for so he would bless me (justification by faith, not by works…by the way).
So honestly, I stood there for about 8 months. I had been constantly creeping to the right side because I was asking questions that I never imagined I would ask myself. I was trying to find answers in something other than whatever I had believed before. I wanted relief and comfort in tangible things. I wanted my friends, or family to make it all better. I was clearly not getting anything from this God that loved me so much. I was basically trying to disprove what I believed because I felt like I was getting no where with this whole concept of faith and the ridiculous amount of waiting and understanding that everything will be alright in the end. I literally wanted and did several times, say that I was just frustrated and angered by the way that I was being treated. I could not accept that God could let me go through this without any sort of assistance or show me any light at the end of the tunnel.
I was fed freaking up with him and all of his wacky antics. “yeah…yeah…yeah…turn something good out of this bad situation….” I mocked his words several times. Let’s not fool ourselves, whenever we are suffering from whatever it is that has a hold on us and brings us down, we start to think negatively, we can even become engulfed by its mindset. We can loose sight of the good.
I will try not to drag this out any further….but basically I was on the edge of the right side staring down, ready to just be done with it all. Luckily through the persistence of someone who does not owe us anything, and who loves and provide us with grace more than we will ever know, somehow reached to me. It came to me in a book. The Shack. I don’t know how everyone feels about it, but I do not care. I feel like it saved my life.
This book is for those who are hurt and suffering. For those who are standing there saying to God, “you are doing nothing, so why did I even ever waste my time on you”. I cried many times just thinking of how negative I was towards my Savior. I told him I wanted his help no more, but it was impossible to get rid of him. He constantly made himself known to me. He brought me to a place that I have never known before. He has put actual life into me. Life that has never been there. I feel like now I am starting to understand that I will not ever be able to understand the full power and ability of God.
I leave you with something simple. Question things. I think that it was the best thing for me to ever do. I know that it was one of the scariest times of my life because of what my 2 options were, but I questioned all that I could. Don’t be a believer who just accepts whatever you hear. Search for happiness and look for it. Remember…you will never find what you are truly looking for unless that thing is God. He is actually quite easy to find. He is everywhere and will always make himself known. I hate to tell you that the only true happiness is in a relationship with God. Also, if you are searching for answers, don’t be surprised when you do not find all of them. Just make an attempt to be content with the mysterious part of God and who he is (yes I know it can be very frustrating). I would recommend the book. It has many good points.
I will write you again very soon and explain some of the details. I promise.
“Lord show me the way, let my words be your words, let my thoughts be your thoughts, I give you my praise, show me the way, take me in your arms, never let me go, I trust in you for life to live, air to breathe, purity fill my lungs, Lord show me the way as I give myself to you, never let me go, hold me with you everlasting love, be my strength, be my voice, my glory, set me free”
He can really do all of those things, but man does it take time and a lot of patience…
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
millions of self righteous christians....including myself.
This should be plain and simple. At least I hope so.
Recently I had an occurrence where I was given advice (I guess we will call it that) to better improve my life or to greater expand my relationship with God. I saw several problems with this "advice" and several ways that I could use it, to my advantage instead of the context I felt it was used it.
1. This person did not know me well.
2. This person does not know what my relationship with God/Jesus/Holy Spirit is like, whether it is on the fritz or if it is on cloud nine (I've always wanted to use that).
3. Whether or not it was given with absolute sincerity, which I highly doubt because of the situation....why would a christian, say to someone(me the other christian), "hey if you just do this and this and this...or let God heal you....things will be better". I mean that just makes me want to further and further push myself away from the crowd. I honestly hope that no christian would ever tell a non-religious person that God will fix all of your problems or make you instantly happy. Listen brother...that is just not realistic. I mean of course He offers a insurmountable love that we cannot experience from anyone or anything else, but I don't believe He will wash away all of the troubles in life in a jiffy. It takes time. Prayer. Faith. If we just got everything we wanted instantly from God, the world would not only be chaos, but it is unrealistic. We would never appreciate what good things are still left in the world.
That was off topic...but....
I am here to tell you that when we stumble...it sucks....and sometimes when we stumble hard it takes a while to get back up. Things do not tend to get better overnight....or even after a few days. I mean sometimes it takes months. There is no easy way to get through a hard part of life. Hopefully when you finally see the light you can grab onto it and get the hell out of there.
I felt attacked by the statements that were passed along towards me. I felt like I was being told by someone 'superior' what to do. I felt like lesser of a christian because of the apparently easy answer and easy solution.
Now...after a couple of weeks I have had time to sit and ponder everything. Maybe the advice was given out of true sincerity. Whether or not it was I have taken this from it...
I felt it was approached the completely wrong way. I believe in loving people for who they are and making sure that is shown. I believe the true way to bring someone to Christ is to express the love that He gives to you and then present that to those who need it. I do not see the purpose of these comments that are asked and used everyday by millions of believers.
We are recruited to tell everyone go do this and do that. Tell someone that God will save them if they just stop sinning. (well yeah he will save you...he has already saved you...he will always love you no matter what) I think by loving someone you attract them towards this lifestyle that God really wanted us to live out. Not this publicly, "i am a christian, look at me, i do good things'', self-righteous, or arrogant prick lifestyle, which I have noticed more and more people are living. Hey I am not saying I am not an arrogant person. I am full of myself. I hate it and I know it is not any worse, but I could never come down on someone by telling them that their relationship with God is faulty or that they need to do this, that or the other to fix it.
Unless......goes back to point 1....unless they were a dear friend of mine and I knew that he or she was struggling and I knew their story. I believe we are called to be there for people and for our friends. I do not appreciate the advice coming from someone who has no idea who I am or what I am about. I know I am bitter because of the situation...but come on...don't ever give someone advice where you don't know the full situation, story, or all of the details, just to boost your own ego or to make yourself feel good.
"Yeah God, I totally gave that guy some advice that he really needed today. He was lost and now he knows what to do!" I just imagine us doing this over and over. Read this.
Romans 3 : 10,20 “There is no one righteous, not even one...For no one is declared righteous before him by the works of the law, for through the law comes the knowledge of sin"
Don't be a self righteous person. Don't do it for your own self worth.
Say this instead..."God I totally loved that guy today. He really needed it. He is still lost, but he knows that I love him no matter what he has done or does. Help me to continually provide your love to him."
Advantages of this conversation...
1. Keep my friends (I actually know them and their stories) accountable and don't be afraid to help them out
2. Don't act like I know what anyone else is going through because I have no idea
3. Don't offer a quick fix, there isn't one. Give love. Offer advice if they truly want it.
-Christopher Adam
Recently I had an occurrence where I was given advice (I guess we will call it that) to better improve my life or to greater expand my relationship with God. I saw several problems with this "advice" and several ways that I could use it, to my advantage instead of the context I felt it was used it.
1. This person did not know me well.
2. This person does not know what my relationship with God/Jesus/Holy Spirit is like, whether it is on the fritz or if it is on cloud nine (I've always wanted to use that).
3. Whether or not it was given with absolute sincerity, which I highly doubt because of the situation....why would a christian, say to someone(me the other christian), "hey if you just do this and this and this...or let God heal you....things will be better". I mean that just makes me want to further and further push myself away from the crowd. I honestly hope that no christian would ever tell a non-religious person that God will fix all of your problems or make you instantly happy. Listen brother...that is just not realistic. I mean of course He offers a insurmountable love that we cannot experience from anyone or anything else, but I don't believe He will wash away all of the troubles in life in a jiffy. It takes time. Prayer. Faith. If we just got everything we wanted instantly from God, the world would not only be chaos, but it is unrealistic. We would never appreciate what good things are still left in the world.
That was off topic...but....
I am here to tell you that when we stumble...it sucks....and sometimes when we stumble hard it takes a while to get back up. Things do not tend to get better overnight....or even after a few days. I mean sometimes it takes months. There is no easy way to get through a hard part of life. Hopefully when you finally see the light you can grab onto it and get the hell out of there.
I felt attacked by the statements that were passed along towards me. I felt like I was being told by someone 'superior' what to do. I felt like lesser of a christian because of the apparently easy answer and easy solution.
Now...after a couple of weeks I have had time to sit and ponder everything. Maybe the advice was given out of true sincerity. Whether or not it was I have taken this from it...
I felt it was approached the completely wrong way. I believe in loving people for who they are and making sure that is shown. I believe the true way to bring someone to Christ is to express the love that He gives to you and then present that to those who need it. I do not see the purpose of these comments that are asked and used everyday by millions of believers.
We are recruited to tell everyone go do this and do that. Tell someone that God will save them if they just stop sinning. (well yeah he will save you...he has already saved you...he will always love you no matter what) I think by loving someone you attract them towards this lifestyle that God really wanted us to live out. Not this publicly, "i am a christian, look at me, i do good things'', self-righteous, or arrogant prick lifestyle, which I have noticed more and more people are living. Hey I am not saying I am not an arrogant person. I am full of myself. I hate it and I know it is not any worse, but I could never come down on someone by telling them that their relationship with God is faulty or that they need to do this, that or the other to fix it.
Unless......goes back to point 1....unless they were a dear friend of mine and I knew that he or she was struggling and I knew their story. I believe we are called to be there for people and for our friends. I do not appreciate the advice coming from someone who has no idea who I am or what I am about. I know I am bitter because of the situation...but come on...don't ever give someone advice where you don't know the full situation, story, or all of the details, just to boost your own ego or to make yourself feel good.
"Yeah God, I totally gave that guy some advice that he really needed today. He was lost and now he knows what to do!" I just imagine us doing this over and over. Read this.
Romans 3 : 10,20 “There is no one righteous, not even one...For no one is declared righteous before him by the works of the law, for through the law comes the knowledge of sin"
Don't be a self righteous person. Don't do it for your own self worth.
Say this instead..."God I totally loved that guy today. He really needed it. He is still lost, but he knows that I love him no matter what he has done or does. Help me to continually provide your love to him."
Advantages of this conversation...
1. Keep my friends (I actually know them and their stories) accountable and don't be afraid to help them out
2. Don't act like I know what anyone else is going through because I have no idea
3. Don't offer a quick fix, there isn't one. Give love. Offer advice if they truly want it.
-Christopher Adam
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
June 22nd 2010 - time to grow up
Today started off as a normal day. As it comes to and end...I have realized something. I need to grow up. Wow...big shocker eh? Well I know I have grown up a lot lately, but I have realized that I still need to.
I am tired of being angry and bitter. It has worn me down and I realized today that it will never give me satisfaction like I thought it would. I have been asking and asking for an opportunity and when I was finally given one...I failed. Thank Jesus my good side was able to control me.
There is one simple message to this. If you claim that you love people no matter what, then flipping prove it. Don't be a hypocrite. I am one. I don't like it. I have to work on that. I have to work on a lot of things. But hey I am at least admitting and trying to work on it. I am only 22 and I am wanting to grow up already. Isn't something backwards about that? Well I think that is what I am being called to do. I need to be a man. I think being a man has a lot of perks.
Apparently some girls like "men". I am not really a manly man, but I will do what I can. Anyways, this is rambles and shambles...whatever that means. Today was just a good day.
I call it Bike Ride Revelations, with Christopher Adam Wilkerson. Join me almost everyday around 6ish - 8ish. I like to ride my bike and think happy thoughts, listen to music, witness people that are enjoying the beauty in this world, and if your lucky, you might come across someone who will remind you what you're all about.
Love. "Be a man" I said to myself. Don't be a child. My childish years are over I 'm afraid. God. Help me to be a man please. Thank you for this revelation and thank you for my bike.
-Christopher A. Wilkerson
I am tired of being angry and bitter. It has worn me down and I realized today that it will never give me satisfaction like I thought it would. I have been asking and asking for an opportunity and when I was finally given one...I failed. Thank Jesus my good side was able to control me.
There is one simple message to this. If you claim that you love people no matter what, then flipping prove it. Don't be a hypocrite. I am one. I don't like it. I have to work on that. I have to work on a lot of things. But hey I am at least admitting and trying to work on it. I am only 22 and I am wanting to grow up already. Isn't something backwards about that? Well I think that is what I am being called to do. I need to be a man. I think being a man has a lot of perks.
Apparently some girls like "men". I am not really a manly man, but I will do what I can. Anyways, this is rambles and shambles...whatever that means. Today was just a good day.
I call it Bike Ride Revelations, with Christopher Adam Wilkerson. Join me almost everyday around 6ish - 8ish. I like to ride my bike and think happy thoughts, listen to music, witness people that are enjoying the beauty in this world, and if your lucky, you might come across someone who will remind you what you're all about.
Love. "Be a man" I said to myself. Don't be a child. My childish years are over I 'm afraid. God. Help me to be a man please. Thank you for this revelation and thank you for my bike.
-Christopher A. Wilkerson
Friday, June 18, 2010
Sleep it off.
Hey. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Become real. I want to be Joel Barish. And. Goodnight.
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
an american dream gone wrong.
Don't exactly know where this will go like always but....here we go.
Two rivers park, late at night, pitch black, stars were beautiful, lightning bugs were even more amazing.
Complete with two great friends and amazing conversations. 23, 22 and 22 years of age. Admitting that growing up sucks. Admitting that we have no really big clue as to what is going on. Well maybe that one is just me, but I am speaking for them as well.
We mostly talk of relationships and how we are just dumbfounded by them. That may be only me still, but again I am speaking for them too. Anyways, I just really appreciate that I have friends like this. We did not plan on discussing these things. We did not plan on feeling better after 'talking'. We just wanted to get out of the house and do something, so we decided to walk around and ended up talking on a bench near the arkansas river for an hour or so.
It was something that just hit me really the next day or so. I don't know what I would do without my friends. They build me up and I hope to do the same for them.
So there we are talking about girls and just how we were curious to what the next years were to bring. Where would our group be? Would we be even more dispersed? How often would we see each other? It is scary to think about, but sooner or later it will happen. We will all grow up in some shape or form and will be invested in other things, such as work.....or....family. I still want to try. I have to try. I never want to lose the bond I have with them. I do not care the slightest bit how 'gay' that sounds. I love them to death and love them more than any girl. I will choose my dudes before the chicks, they don't dominate your life....that is another topic.
But back to the bench....Brad brought up a good point about religion. I had to think on it for a little bit and I never really even responded, but I was trying to be careful of what I said.
"Religion does not make things better or anything go away or make life better"
I think that is around what was said.
I have to agree. Religion is such a scary word these days. So is Christianity. 9 times out of 10 I am worried to admit what I believe because I will be shuffled into a group of judgmental people that I do not want to be like.
So I agree because religion does not cure anything. I think I can honestly say that love and faith in God/Jesus does cure, but I can also say that it is one of the hardest things to do all of the time, for me at least. You are lucky if you are able to do that all of the time...or you are probably lying to yourself and everyone else. I just kept coming back to the phrase Brad said. I mean it really doesn't cure or fix anything. There are no magic fixes in life or get out of jail free cards. There are struggles and hardships. But there is Jesus. I know if you don't believe in Jesus then what I am saying is pointless, but think of it this way. I am not saying that religion is pointless, no...no...no.
It takes patience. It takes time. It takes learning. Praying. Growing. And a lot of love. I like believing and having faith in something (even if it is very hard right now for me). I want to believe that things happen for a reason and that there is someone greater out there that loves me for all of my imperfections. That gives me comfort and makes me strive to be a better person. I know that may be a "sorry" answer for some people. I am sure as I grow up it will mature into a better one, but for now I am trying to be a better human being. I have definitely stopped waiting for the "quick fix" because I have been waiting for several months and I got nothing. I have not given any effort for a fix though and that is the truth.
I wish people did not think that God blesses those who only do good deeds or pray all of the time. He blesses everyone and does not show favoritism. Its in the bible. Read it. Romans I believe. I came to my own conclusion about this scenario that maybe when we do pray and ask for the guidance or blessings, He makes it more apparent to us and we can see things more clearly within the situation. If we just sit around waiting for a magical explanation or answer then what is the point of having faith and believing that he will always provide? I don't know it may be a silly conclusion. But hey to each his own.
That was a little extra tid bit of information. Ok where were we? I honestly don't know and I do not feel like reading the previous text, so I think I was around here...
I have to pull some lyrics from a song in order to make this title make sense.
"this is no longer the american dream, we’ve cut the tongue from society, forcing consumption, never hearing “no.” we’ve brainwashed our children to believe this is destiny."
When I hear this I think to myself that I wish I could go back to 15 years of age when things were easy and I did not think about all of this.
I recently saw my niece become baptized. My brother baptized her and I almost cried seeing it happen because 1. It made me super happy to see. 2. I know she was doing it for the right reasons. 3. I am sensitive.
But I had to think about how when I was young...I had no idea....no idea how things could change in an instant. How everything you were used could do a 180. What sucks is that you have to almost always experience this for yourself to understand it, but I wonder if we prepare our children for the real world like we should. When I was 15 I would have disagreed with "religion does not cure anything". I would have been upset with whoever said that. That may be a learning through experience thing that we all have to go through. I don't know. I do know I am rambling so I will cut it off.
If there is a point in all of this. It is that religion cannot create happiness. 1 million dollars can buy you some things but not true happiness. Jesus can provide happiness, but don't expect it to be a quick fix. Why can't it though? Man....I have been asking that myself for a while now. Also, try to think back when you were younger and how 'safe' or how 'naive' you were. Maybe you still are. How do you feel now? Grown up? Good luck to you. I wish you all the very best.
I love you Brad and Joe.
"My Blood is tainted with bitterness.
I want it out, I want it out of me.
Oh, the taste of my inheritance.
How I have fallen, the hills will cover me.
You too will become weak."
-Christopher Adam
Two rivers park, late at night, pitch black, stars were beautiful, lightning bugs were even more amazing.
Complete with two great friends and amazing conversations. 23, 22 and 22 years of age. Admitting that growing up sucks. Admitting that we have no really big clue as to what is going on. Well maybe that one is just me, but I am speaking for them as well.
We mostly talk of relationships and how we are just dumbfounded by them. That may be only me still, but again I am speaking for them too. Anyways, I just really appreciate that I have friends like this. We did not plan on discussing these things. We did not plan on feeling better after 'talking'. We just wanted to get out of the house and do something, so we decided to walk around and ended up talking on a bench near the arkansas river for an hour or so.
It was something that just hit me really the next day or so. I don't know what I would do without my friends. They build me up and I hope to do the same for them.
So there we are talking about girls and just how we were curious to what the next years were to bring. Where would our group be? Would we be even more dispersed? How often would we see each other? It is scary to think about, but sooner or later it will happen. We will all grow up in some shape or form and will be invested in other things, such as work.....or....family. I still want to try. I have to try. I never want to lose the bond I have with them. I do not care the slightest bit how 'gay' that sounds. I love them to death and love them more than any girl. I will choose my dudes before the chicks, they don't dominate your life....that is another topic.
But back to the bench....Brad brought up a good point about religion. I had to think on it for a little bit and I never really even responded, but I was trying to be careful of what I said.
"Religion does not make things better or anything go away or make life better"
I think that is around what was said.
I have to agree. Religion is such a scary word these days. So is Christianity. 9 times out of 10 I am worried to admit what I believe because I will be shuffled into a group of judgmental people that I do not want to be like.
So I agree because religion does not cure anything. I think I can honestly say that love and faith in God/Jesus does cure, but I can also say that it is one of the hardest things to do all of the time, for me at least. You are lucky if you are able to do that all of the time...or you are probably lying to yourself and everyone else. I just kept coming back to the phrase Brad said. I mean it really doesn't cure or fix anything. There are no magic fixes in life or get out of jail free cards. There are struggles and hardships. But there is Jesus. I know if you don't believe in Jesus then what I am saying is pointless, but think of it this way. I am not saying that religion is pointless, no...no...no.
It takes patience. It takes time. It takes learning. Praying. Growing. And a lot of love. I like believing and having faith in something (even if it is very hard right now for me). I want to believe that things happen for a reason and that there is someone greater out there that loves me for all of my imperfections. That gives me comfort and makes me strive to be a better person. I know that may be a "sorry" answer for some people. I am sure as I grow up it will mature into a better one, but for now I am trying to be a better human being. I have definitely stopped waiting for the "quick fix" because I have been waiting for several months and I got nothing. I have not given any effort for a fix though and that is the truth.
I wish people did not think that God blesses those who only do good deeds or pray all of the time. He blesses everyone and does not show favoritism. Its in the bible. Read it. Romans I believe. I came to my own conclusion about this scenario that maybe when we do pray and ask for the guidance or blessings, He makes it more apparent to us and we can see things more clearly within the situation. If we just sit around waiting for a magical explanation or answer then what is the point of having faith and believing that he will always provide? I don't know it may be a silly conclusion. But hey to each his own.
That was a little extra tid bit of information. Ok where were we? I honestly don't know and I do not feel like reading the previous text, so I think I was around here...
I have to pull some lyrics from a song in order to make this title make sense.
"this is no longer the american dream, we’ve cut the tongue from society, forcing consumption, never hearing “no.” we’ve brainwashed our children to believe this is destiny."
When I hear this I think to myself that I wish I could go back to 15 years of age when things were easy and I did not think about all of this.
I recently saw my niece become baptized. My brother baptized her and I almost cried seeing it happen because 1. It made me super happy to see. 2. I know she was doing it for the right reasons. 3. I am sensitive.
But I had to think about how when I was young...I had no idea....no idea how things could change in an instant. How everything you were used could do a 180. What sucks is that you have to almost always experience this for yourself to understand it, but I wonder if we prepare our children for the real world like we should. When I was 15 I would have disagreed with "religion does not cure anything". I would have been upset with whoever said that. That may be a learning through experience thing that we all have to go through. I don't know. I do know I am rambling so I will cut it off.
If there is a point in all of this. It is that religion cannot create happiness. 1 million dollars can buy you some things but not true happiness. Jesus can provide happiness, but don't expect it to be a quick fix. Why can't it though? Man....I have been asking that myself for a while now. Also, try to think back when you were younger and how 'safe' or how 'naive' you were. Maybe you still are. How do you feel now? Grown up? Good luck to you. I wish you all the very best.
I love you Brad and Joe.
"My Blood is tainted with bitterness.
I want it out, I want it out of me.
Oh, the taste of my inheritance.
How I have fallen, the hills will cover me.
You too will become weak."
-Christopher Adam
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