I now pronounce you husband and wife....(umm....crap...)

I know I said I would post this 'tomorrow' like two weeks ago....but I just kept going back and forth on what to say and decided against what I was originally going to post. Also I got a little busy.

So I promised I would describe my journey. And I sincerely hope I do not offend anyone with this post. I will most likely make some snide remarks about marriage and all that jazz. (not that i don't support it...just read it to understand my nonsense) And these are just my opinions and views on marriage. They could be absolute crap for all I know.

Well....

So there we were...getting close to the "do we get married.....or what" talk. I of course outwardly expressed yes and feelings of happiness. But honestly on the inside I just could not fathom the idea of being married yet. I was 20 years old and was trying to figure out if I wanted to be with this person forever. That is a big question! I mean to me it is. It scares me when people (guys and girls) are so quick to make that decision in their head. Did they even really think about it??? I don't think it is wrong for me to say that I thought about it a lot. It wasn't that I was unsatisfied with this person. I just constantly had something in the back of my mind that said "no...you are not ready".

It was a constant battle back and forth. I always had a feeling that I was not ready. Now I have a better understanding of why...and what marriage is about (well...kind of).

I was so young....I am still so young. I have so many things that I am still learning (yeah you can still learn them being married). But I want to have an idea of who I really want to be with. I want to know more about myself. I want all of those other cliche things about a woman too...(like from the notebook...all that kinda stuff...) Just kidding, but seriously.

Here is a big reason or the reason that I realized it could not have worked out. And this does not apply to everyone...I know some great couples that I think are truly in love and are genuinely happy (they still fight, which i think is a good sign). I had put so much time and effort into the relationship...that I was just going to see it through. We dated in high school and throughout college. It was time to take the next step (according to all of these young couples who take the plunge). I think I would have been somewhat happy if it would have gone that way...but this person and I were not on the same wavelengths. I thought that was how it went....you are together for so long...now its time to get married. If that works for you, then hey, don't listen to me...I am not even married...so honestly I have no idea what the hell I am talking about.

I just didn't/don't want to wake up 25 years down the line and realize that I am not happy. I don't want to have that thought in my head of...."why did I even get married to this person?". I guess there is no way of really knowing that...huh? I mean you could marry the perfect person and still be unhappy with them.

"Want to see a woman stop shaving her legs, and guy get a beer belly.....get em married" (Friends, Season 8).

Now do not get me wrong. I cared for this person very deeply. I would have done anything for her....(all the cliche things that a guy would do for a girl). But I had that voice that kept bugging me. I am thankful that she ended the relationship, because I started to side with the mindset of "well...I guess I am in it for the long haul". And brother, that is not cool....

In my original post I was going to say what I thought a marriage should look like...but I honestly don't know. I think everyone is different....I also know that I absolutely hate it when a marriage tries to conform into what a church tells them to do. I think they are just setting themselves up to fail and will be disappointed in the end...God knows what a marriage should be like. Why don't you just ask him...? I guess I will start so I can hopefully have some sort of an idea.

I bet it has a lot to do with growing up!

I apologize that this really made no sense. I mean like no sense...I am trying to help myself get through everything by writing it all down. If you got something....I am glad.

I do know that when I propose to a girl....there will be no greater proposal. I have a couple random cool ones in my mind, but it really depends on the person and what she likes. I just want to walk away from it knowing that I could not have done a better job. I also would like for her to tell the story to others and if there are any guys around they think to themselves..."well....damn....what am I supposed to do now...? this guy dominated my idea..."

-Adam

There is a difference between safety and happiness. The former...easier...but the latter...much more fulfilling.