I can picture the scenario above and hundreds of other scenarios in my head that play out over and over in a standard marriage. And yes this is part 2 of my previous post....I realized after I read it last night that it did not really have a closing chapter. I mean I am going to wind up saying the same thing I always say because I just had an enormous experience with it (that's what she said)....and I really learned something from it.
Also....you ever run into those people who act like they know everything about one area of life because they went through it and had a really hard time? Then after they come through it and learn a lot they try to preach it out to everyone? (Oh hello! That is me!) But the good thing is...this is my blog...and if you read this...."you will listen to every damn word I have to say". (Adam Sandler, The Wedding Singer, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3s5xsVHOJQs if you care to watch - at 23 seconds). You will find that I will be putting a joke or two every now and then in these posts...because I am in a good mood now. So I thought I should spread it!
Ok I am going to try and cover 2 things quickly and make them clear. I doubt it will happen. Also as stated everything I always post are just my opinions and views...if you disagree with them...that is fine. I may be crazy, but you can leave this site and never return. Just kidding. But seriously please do not ever visit this site again.
Let's hit this touchy subject first....an American Marriage....now this is going to be very stereotypical....but just try to see what I am saying.
Guy and girl date...couple of years...maybe not even couple of years.Guy proposes...girl of course says yes. They plan wedding...get married....get a house...both work....attend church (most likely a big one)....meet friends at work and church. They live their life. Now that doesn't sound like a bad idea right? I mean hey I am alone....I would like to lay down next to someone at night. Well I have figured out that there is a differencing between experiencing life....rather than living it.
Now I have seen this movie several times but last night I watched it again with my dad (Papa Jeff...bad-ass). The movie Yes Man. Jim Carrey says no over and over....he is really not even experiencing life...but towards the end he understands what it means to actually live life!
Now back to the stereotypical marriage...are they really living life? Or are they just two people following the formula that either their parents followed or that our culture has created for you? Now let's talk about how the church has influenced this relationship....a bond that no one really understand unless they understand what a relationship with God is like....and I am pretty sure that you cannot fully understand that either....so why the hell are we always trying to find a perfect definition on something that should be between God and us (man and wife)?
I have heard many church leaders say this, that, and the other about marriage....have God at the center, be sure to commune with your fellow married friends....be sure to do this....go do that...and don't forget to do this...
That formula will = an absolute destruction...for me at least...What does it even mean to have God at the center? I have said that before and I had no idea what it really meant. How can God be at the center when he is/has/will always already be there? He doesn't go away from time to time. That is what is such a blessing. You cannot get rid of him (that is hard to accept). God is at the center of everyone. Whether they choose at acknowledge him or not...that is their choice. So why don't you acknowledge your God...ask him how to better yourself for your spouse....all of that jazzy stuff....
It is not bad to commune with your friends...but please do not let someone give you a To-Do list and you begin to check it off. Now obviously you are not going make a tangible list...but you will in your head...and the minute that you miss out on something...guilt will set it. Do not set yourself up for failure!!! Dude, go hang out with your friends...share experiences...stories...laugh....maybe drink a little wine (appletini for me)...just relax and enjoy their company....Jesus is there. God is there. He is their rejoicing with you. He has always been there and he knows your stories...but he would love to hear them over and over because he loves us.
I think that the standard American marriage does not live like this often....I think they become absorbed into the 'procedure' or begin to do what a high spiritual leader tells them they should be doing....
After they obviously fail by searching for God (happiness) in routines and forced conversations.....the sadness sets in...that turns to anger...anger turns to hate.....and hate turns to suffering.....(Yoda, The Phantom Menace). But seriously....the man or woman begin to throw their anger at each other or God because they have been floating through life and following these rules or guidelines and cannot match up to them. (To those couples that are still together by following all of that stuff....wow...mad props...and if they are actually happy....then they are lying to themselves...or maybe they are demons)
I said it in my previous post. We do not know exactly what a marriage looks like....we can read and read from what God try to tell us....but Christians tend to translate things a little on the crazy sides sometimes. Why not just think....use your brain and heart. God will help you make the decisions.
My other topic which ties into this as well is Love and Safety. (sorry this is long)
Love Vs. Safety.....this is what I really wanted to say in my first post but I just didn't.
I have found a fine line between actual love....and then a sense of feeling safe.....I lived in the first one for a while.....then I lived in the second one. It is basically the same as "experiencing life vs actually living life".
Love your spouse...love them because you actually love them....not because it has been 3 years and they really helped you out during that rough patch of life. Love them because you see what his/her heart really looks like. Love them because you want to not because you have to...Time should not be an issue....that will end up in a terrible spiral that could end in murder. Do not seek comfort in safety....(here is my repetitive message)....do not settle on someone because it is your high school sweet heart and they know everything about you and its just too much work to invest in someone else....that my friend...is experiencing life...and settling in life...in safety.
It is just not fun to me. If it works for some...hey good luck. Don't end up only finding happiness in your kids...I did not want to say it...but I had too.
My friend Brad posted an interesting/terrible comment on the first part of this topic...and he is right...well about the first part...we are given time to find out who we are as people...we should take it! We should grow up and learn how we can be that "perfect" husband or wife! Do not rush your life! Just relax and realize that something is cooking up....if you rush your life...you might just miss it!
Well that is pretty much it...I will post again soon about some touchy stuff!
-Christopher A-to the dam
Oh, please do not get married just so you can have sex...you Christians will do it without realizing it...trust me I was almost there. That is the most absurd thing ever....crazy kids these days...
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