So. Pain. It can be and has been one of the most annoying things hanging around me recently. It has also been the most revealing and powerful "thing" to impact my life. What would life be without pain and hurt?
Probably amazing. But......that is not how our world is....and besides these situations can end up bringing the best out of us and change who we are as people, hopefully for the better. I think for some of us (I know for me) it takes drastic changes or events to take place in order to smack us in the head and cause us to realize what has been going on. I am trying to deal with that now and learn from it. I am trying to grow.
I am trying to grow up.
A song by brand new I have come to love is called daisy. This is just a portion.
I think it speaks a lot about growing and starting over. Starting new. Ultimately we cannot grow on our own. We need assistance.
"I'm a mountain that has been moved
I'm a fugitive that has no legs to run
I'm a preacher with no pulpit
Spewing a sermon that goes on and on...
Well if we take all these things and we bury them fast
And we'll pray that they turn to seeds, to roots and then grass
It'd be all right, it's all right, it'd be easier that way
Or if the sky opened up and started pouring rain
Like you knew he was trying to start things over again
It'd be all right, it's all right, it'd be easier that way"
I can relate. A lot.
"It'd be all right, it's all right. He is trying to start things over again."
Accept it. It is hard. I know cause I don't want to lose control. But I never really had it.
-Christopher Adam.
Friday, February 26, 2010
Friday, February 19, 2010
The Future. What is out there? What will happen...?
What will happen in a week. A month. Year. 5 years. 10 years. ??? Does anyone know? I wish I did, but then I have to ask myself. Where would the excitement be?
I know we all say we want to know the future and what will happen, but I think the truth is, in most situations we should be patient and let it all play out. I know this is soooo much easier said than done. I mean I have been incredibly impatient most of my life. I am learning to be patient now.
I feel that it lowers your stress, blood pressure, craziness, and helps you sleep at night. I love to sit awake at night trying to decide how to "control" situations. Even when I know they are out of my hand. The sad thing is I clearly know this, but I still do it. Idiotic right? Well I have no excuse.
I was running last night and was listening to music that gave me a peace I have been waiting for. I wish it lasted longer, but even in the brief minute or 2 I felt so close and so connected. I wanted that feeling forever. I wanted to feel everything off my shoulders constantly.
I got that feeling because I asked for it. So I guess I will start to ask for it more often and I will begin to ask for 'future' guidance. A lyric that inspires me and gives me chill bumps every time I read it.
"Lord, show me the way. I ask of you Father, let my words be your words.
Let my thoughts be your thoughts.
To you, I give my praise.
Show me the way. Take me in your arms. Never let me go.
Lord, show me the way, as I give myself to you.
Never let me go.
Hold me with your everlasting love."
Only He will show me the way. Help me, please God.
-chris w.
I know we all say we want to know the future and what will happen, but I think the truth is, in most situations we should be patient and let it all play out. I know this is soooo much easier said than done. I mean I have been incredibly impatient most of my life. I am learning to be patient now.
I feel that it lowers your stress, blood pressure, craziness, and helps you sleep at night. I love to sit awake at night trying to decide how to "control" situations. Even when I know they are out of my hand. The sad thing is I clearly know this, but I still do it. Idiotic right? Well I have no excuse.
I was running last night and was listening to music that gave me a peace I have been waiting for. I wish it lasted longer, but even in the brief minute or 2 I felt so close and so connected. I wanted that feeling forever. I wanted to feel everything off my shoulders constantly.
I got that feeling because I asked for it. So I guess I will start to ask for it more often and I will begin to ask for 'future' guidance. A lyric that inspires me and gives me chill bumps every time I read it.
"Lord, show me the way. I ask of you Father, let my words be your words.
Let my thoughts be your thoughts.
To you, I give my praise.
Show me the way. Take me in your arms. Never let me go.
Lord, show me the way, as I give myself to you.
Never let me go.
Hold me with your everlasting love."
Only He will show me the way. Help me, please God.
-chris w.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Life, what happened?
22 years old.
I drove by my house yesterday. I had a rush of memories come to me. It is crazy. We think we are moving so slow. Time is at a standstill. We are going nowhere.
The truth is, I remember like yesterday counting slug bugs with my dad on our way home from school everyday. I remember riding my bike after school. I miss hanging out with friends during high school. I miss those times. I miss friends now that I don't see anymore.
I am thankful for the ability to hold on to these thoughts and good times. I have been jotting thoughts down here and there, because I worry I will forget things.
Sorry there is no point to this post...just thought I would share.
Just try to remember to hold on to those memories that are important to you. Good or bad. They can be learned from.
-Christopher
I drove by my house yesterday. I had a rush of memories come to me. It is crazy. We think we are moving so slow. Time is at a standstill. We are going nowhere.
The truth is, I remember like yesterday counting slug bugs with my dad on our way home from school everyday. I remember riding my bike after school. I miss hanging out with friends during high school. I miss those times. I miss friends now that I don't see anymore.
I am thankful for the ability to hold on to these thoughts and good times. I have been jotting thoughts down here and there, because I worry I will forget things.
Sorry there is no point to this post...just thought I would share.
Just try to remember to hold on to those memories that are important to you. Good or bad. They can be learned from.
-Christopher
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Come...now...sleep.
This cannot be long, because I am sleepy. It is 12:33 and I need rest.
I don't really know what I was going to even say now. I titled this Come...now...sleep. I guess that is what is on my mind. I interpret it not just as sleep though. I interpret it is as peace as well.
I want rest. I know where to find it. I know how to receive it. So. I need to get started.
I will be happy the day it is fully here.
Psalm 25:16-18
"Turn to me and be gracious, for I am lonely and afflicted.
The troubles of my heart have multiplied; free me from my anguish.
Look upon my affliction and my distress and take away all my sins."
You should get started too.
What does he say?
Come all ye weary right?
I am weary. I am out in the open. I am releasing everything.
Sleep well to you all.
Come...now...sleep.
I don't really know what I was going to even say now. I titled this Come...now...sleep. I guess that is what is on my mind. I interpret it not just as sleep though. I interpret it is as peace as well.
I want rest. I know where to find it. I know how to receive it. So. I need to get started.
I will be happy the day it is fully here.
Psalm 25:16-18
"Turn to me and be gracious, for I am lonely and afflicted.
The troubles of my heart have multiplied; free me from my anguish.
Look upon my affliction and my distress and take away all my sins."
You should get started too.
What does he say?
Come all ye weary right?
I am weary. I am out in the open. I am releasing everything.
Sleep well to you all.
Come...now...sleep.
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Love. It's Valentine's Day.
This will not be long. But I just have to express it.
Love.
It could be one of the most powerful things. We cannot even explain love. Well I mean we can. But there is nothing tangible about love. We can buy each other presents all day long. Give flowers. Chocolate (the candy or the movie with Johnny Depp)...But we still feel it inside of us. It is such an amazing and powerful thing. I am very thankful for its power. I am thankful of how it makes you feel, if you just let it flow from you. I feel that is a basic concept of representing Christ.
Loving others. Loving yourself. Love God.
The one girl who has made me realize this does not even know. She has no clue. She is now one of the most important things to me and she doesn't now. I see her and just want to hold her tight. She is beautiful. I am very excited to be involved in her life. Her name is Madison Avery Tharel. She is full of love. She doesn't even know it. She has brought happiness to me and she does not even mean to or know she is doing it. She brightens my day every time I see her. She is amazing.
Happy Valentine's Day Madison.
Love.
It could be one of the most powerful things. We cannot even explain love. Well I mean we can. But there is nothing tangible about love. We can buy each other presents all day long. Give flowers. Chocolate (the candy or the movie with Johnny Depp)...But we still feel it inside of us. It is such an amazing and powerful thing. I am very thankful for its power. I am thankful of how it makes you feel, if you just let it flow from you. I feel that is a basic concept of representing Christ.
Loving others. Loving yourself. Love God.
The one girl who has made me realize this does not even know. She has no clue. She is now one of the most important things to me and she doesn't now. I see her and just want to hold her tight. She is beautiful. I am very excited to be involved in her life. Her name is Madison Avery Tharel. She is full of love. She doesn't even know it. She has brought happiness to me and she does not even mean to or know she is doing it. She brightens my day every time I see her. She is amazing.
Happy Valentine's Day Madison.
Friday, February 12, 2010
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
significance, connectedness, and love
It is late and I am very tired. I played in the snow today. I love me some snow days. I love my friends as well. I was meaning to write yesterday about what was discussed in church, but I did not get around to doing it. So....
Ever since the beginning God has declared a sense of "value" or significance for everyone. He has never elevated someones worth or decreased its value. Everyone knows that God loves everyone, or at least they should know that, but this is not what I am saying. I am saying that God values each and everyone of us. All the same. We are all significant to him. And that significance is in a level we will never understand. But we should acknowledge how much we mean to him.
Connectedness...We have always been destined to long for a connection with people...relationships...but our first connection...our main connection should be with our Lord. God created us with a feeling of wanting more and wanting to be a part of something. Relationships, organizations, jobs, communities, churches...stuff like that. This is not a bad thing.
So let me paint this picture that was described to me.
God...Adam....Eve.
There was a significance that God placed in both of them. There was a connectedness that they all shared. Those 2 things were not any greater than you or I. God gives the same amount with everyone. So the fall of man happens. This is when "we" (because we should not just consider the first 2 who sinned, we are all in it together), decided to take the "value" and "connectedness" into our own hands. This clearly caused a problem. We did not feel valued like we use to. We no longer felt as connected.
This brings us to multiple problems we have today. We have this sense of "value" so what do we do? We do whatever we can so that we may have a feeling of significance. We want to be "remembered" for something, whether that is impacting peoples lives, being an amazing husband, friend, father, christian, son, brother (those are the top of my list). Like I said earlier, this is not a bad thing. It is good that we strive to want to be better and great, but...I think we often forget, and I have forgotten myself...
God cares about us all the same. He of course loves us all the same. And he definitely values us all of the same. I wish I could remind myself of this. Because I hate getting caught up in trying to "be that better person" just so people see that I am holy or good. I forget why I am really doing it. I want to do it for God. I want to serve him by serving others. I know God values me and what I do in my life. I finally have accepted that. I do not have to be a renown person to be valued by Him. It is funny how basic, yet so abundantly mysterious God is.
Connectedness. We want to feel connected. We had it perfect with Adam & Eve and God. But Man often 'controls' situations and desires to do it on his/her own. Once we destroyed that perfect triangle that contained God - Value & Connectedness (Us in the center), it went downhill. But now we still long for connectedness. We join communities, we have friend groups, we join groups at church, we are longing to be in relationships with people, because of our desire to connect with people. Like I said these are all good things and we should want to connect with people, but it can become scary, when we forget the connectedness God established with us since the beginning. We put all of our connection into other relationships instead of the one who blessed us with it.
I do this. I have done this for a long long time. I was talking to a friend I have not talked to in quite some time tonight. He said something that frightened me because of the truth behind it. I know this does not apply to everyone but it applied to me. He said. "It is unfortunate that we as young adults date other people whenever we are not even secure in our own relationship with God. I wish I would have considered this concept." I think this is our connectedness being disconnected if you will. I have experienced this. Where I thought I was secure, I was honestly not. I did not have a foundation and a strong base like I want/need. I know this is how we learn sometimes. It sucks and it is hard. But that is how life is. Accept it. Grow from it.
Sorry for the rambling. Hopefully some of this made sense.
Strive to maintain that connectedness with God. Know that he values you as He values everyone else. I think we will all be better off.
Goodnight. It is past my bedtime.
Quote "God does grace reach, to this side of madness? Cause I know this can't be the great peace we all seek."
-Christopher A. Wilkerson
Ever since the beginning God has declared a sense of "value" or significance for everyone. He has never elevated someones worth or decreased its value. Everyone knows that God loves everyone, or at least they should know that, but this is not what I am saying. I am saying that God values each and everyone of us. All the same. We are all significant to him. And that significance is in a level we will never understand. But we should acknowledge how much we mean to him.
Connectedness...We have always been destined to long for a connection with people...relationships...but our first connection...our main connection should be with our Lord. God created us with a feeling of wanting more and wanting to be a part of something. Relationships, organizations, jobs, communities, churches...stuff like that. This is not a bad thing.
So let me paint this picture that was described to me.
God...Adam....Eve.
There was a significance that God placed in both of them. There was a connectedness that they all shared. Those 2 things were not any greater than you or I. God gives the same amount with everyone. So the fall of man happens. This is when "we" (because we should not just consider the first 2 who sinned, we are all in it together), decided to take the "value" and "connectedness" into our own hands. This clearly caused a problem. We did not feel valued like we use to. We no longer felt as connected.
This brings us to multiple problems we have today. We have this sense of "value" so what do we do? We do whatever we can so that we may have a feeling of significance. We want to be "remembered" for something, whether that is impacting peoples lives, being an amazing husband, friend, father, christian, son, brother (those are the top of my list). Like I said earlier, this is not a bad thing. It is good that we strive to want to be better and great, but...I think we often forget, and I have forgotten myself...
God cares about us all the same. He of course loves us all the same. And he definitely values us all of the same. I wish I could remind myself of this. Because I hate getting caught up in trying to "be that better person" just so people see that I am holy or good. I forget why I am really doing it. I want to do it for God. I want to serve him by serving others. I know God values me and what I do in my life. I finally have accepted that. I do not have to be a renown person to be valued by Him. It is funny how basic, yet so abundantly mysterious God is.
Connectedness. We want to feel connected. We had it perfect with Adam & Eve and God. But Man often 'controls' situations and desires to do it on his/her own. Once we destroyed that perfect triangle that contained God - Value & Connectedness (Us in the center), it went downhill. But now we still long for connectedness. We join communities, we have friend groups, we join groups at church, we are longing to be in relationships with people, because of our desire to connect with people. Like I said these are all good things and we should want to connect with people, but it can become scary, when we forget the connectedness God established with us since the beginning. We put all of our connection into other relationships instead of the one who blessed us with it.
I do this. I have done this for a long long time. I was talking to a friend I have not talked to in quite some time tonight. He said something that frightened me because of the truth behind it. I know this does not apply to everyone but it applied to me. He said. "It is unfortunate that we as young adults date other people whenever we are not even secure in our own relationship with God. I wish I would have considered this concept." I think this is our connectedness being disconnected if you will. I have experienced this. Where I thought I was secure, I was honestly not. I did not have a foundation and a strong base like I want/need. I know this is how we learn sometimes. It sucks and it is hard. But that is how life is. Accept it. Grow from it.
Sorry for the rambling. Hopefully some of this made sense.
Strive to maintain that connectedness with God. Know that he values you as He values everyone else. I think we will all be better off.
Goodnight. It is past my bedtime.
Quote "God does grace reach, to this side of madness? Cause I know this can't be the great peace we all seek."
-Christopher A. Wilkerson
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Where is "the great peace we all seek"?
I have found what could possibly be my fatal flaw. Controlling an issue. Well...trying at least. It never works out the way I want it to.
Yeah...I figured out because it is not my job to control it.
My Lord takes care of that and me.
I wanted what I wanted so I tried to control and force it.
Let me let you in on a secret. That does not work. Not now. Not ever.
Thank you God so much for strong friends. I never knew how uplifting and loving they could be. I also never knew how comforting you can be. And you came in when I was too weak to carry on and "control" the situation. You knew I had gone far enough and beaten myself completely down. I was too broken. You came (but you were always there) and loved me. You held me. I thank you. Please help me to keep you here. I love this feeling and I do not want it to go away. You are too good. You are God. You make everything better.
I want to live with you forever. I want you first. I have to have you first. I think life would be so much easier.
I Love you Jesus/God/Holy Spirit.
Psalm 6:2 "Be merciful to me, Lord, for I am faint; O Lord, heal me, for my bones are in agony. My soul is in anguish, How long, O Lord, how long?"
Not much longer. You are here.
"I'm sure if you wanted to stop love, you could just untie your end, and let it go...but my God, you don't....yeah I think I love you for it."
-Christopher Wilkerson
Yeah...I figured out because it is not my job to control it.
My Lord takes care of that and me.
I wanted what I wanted so I tried to control and force it.
Let me let you in on a secret. That does not work. Not now. Not ever.
Thank you God so much for strong friends. I never knew how uplifting and loving they could be. I also never knew how comforting you can be. And you came in when I was too weak to carry on and "control" the situation. You knew I had gone far enough and beaten myself completely down. I was too broken. You came (but you were always there) and loved me. You held me. I thank you. Please help me to keep you here. I love this feeling and I do not want it to go away. You are too good. You are God. You make everything better.
I want to live with you forever. I want you first. I have to have you first. I think life would be so much easier.
I Love you Jesus/God/Holy Spirit.
Psalm 6:2 "Be merciful to me, Lord, for I am faint; O Lord, heal me, for my bones are in agony. My soul is in anguish, How long, O Lord, how long?"
Not much longer. You are here.
"I'm sure if you wanted to stop love, you could just untie your end, and let it go...but my God, you don't....yeah I think I love you for it."
-Christopher Wilkerson
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Praying for yourself.
I was always taught to be considerate of others. I was taught to treat them as I wanted myself to be treated. A thought crossed my mind over these past few weeks. Lately whenever I pray, I typically pray for my friends and family and thank God for the things I have and ask him to be with me.
In this specific "season" of my life, I am going through things I never thought I would. I have been thinking the next time I pray, I don't only pray about myself, but I ask God to please help and guide me through this time. I want to focus on the Lord comforting me and getting me through this "season" I am in. I want to be selfish and I want God with me right now. (I know he is with everyone) but I want him right now, because I know that without him, I cannot get through this.
I know he will do it, and is clearly capable of doing it. I just forget to actually pray for myself and admit to him how desperate and saddened I am. It is like I am ashamed or embarrassed to feel this way so I hide it from everyone around me the best I can.
So God. Please. I do need you. I want you to help me. I know you will. I love you.
-Christopher Adam Wilkerson
In this specific "season" of my life, I am going through things I never thought I would. I have been thinking the next time I pray, I don't only pray about myself, but I ask God to please help and guide me through this time. I want to focus on the Lord comforting me and getting me through this "season" I am in. I want to be selfish and I want God with me right now. (I know he is with everyone) but I want him right now, because I know that without him, I cannot get through this.
I know he will do it, and is clearly capable of doing it. I just forget to actually pray for myself and admit to him how desperate and saddened I am. It is like I am ashamed or embarrassed to feel this way so I hide it from everyone around me the best I can.
So God. Please. I do need you. I want you to help me. I know you will. I love you.
-Christopher Adam Wilkerson
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